He’s Not Initiating Sex. Is Something Wrong?
When you’re used to your man initiating sex with you all the time, it can be a scary feeling when his advances seem to drop off like a cliff.
Chances are you’re first thought is that he no longer finds you attractive. And that can be a chilling blow. “Is it my new haircut?” “Have I really put on a few pounds like the scale ‘supposedly’ says?”
Or is he cheating?
Scaring you is not the purpose here, but … we’ll get to that one a little bit later.
For now, we want to help you understand why he’s not initiating sex with some of the more common reasons.
Do you relate to these scenarios? Find out what’s most likely to be the problem:
Scenario 1: You started it. Have you been putting him off in recent months? Think about it. Before this occasion during which he seems to be uninterested in sex with you, did you say “No” a bunch of times when he put on the moves? It doesn’t even matter if you had “good excuses” like your head hurt or you were tired.
The Issue: He’s sick of trying. Guys are used to getting their advances shot down at least once in a while, but when you never want to have sex, they’ll stop trying.
What to Do: This is on you, so you’ve got to make it right if you want to keep this guy. We know that sex can be stressful for women sometimes because as women, we tend to worry a lot about being “perfect” for him and being in the “right mood.” We also feel like we can’t have sex when we have “so many other things to do!”
But guys don’t think that way, and when you continually shoot them down for this reason or that … in addition to never initiating sex yourself, he’s going to stop trying. And maybe even walk away. It’s time to get steam things up with him and get his motor runnin’ again.
Scenario 2: He’s the one with insecurities and stress. Your man often gets worried about his appearance or has been known to have little self esteem. Lately, something’s happened in his life that has made him feel even worse: Maybe a project at work bombed or he made a bad investment. Maybe he’s gained weight or is losing hair.
The Issue: He’s got low self-esteem, and he thinks you don’t want to have sex with him, so he’s not even putting forth any effort.
What to Do: Your honey feels bad about himself, and you’re the only one who can make him feel better. Everyone needs comfort and kind words every once in a while, but right now, he needs a lot of it. So start initiating sex on your own. Show him how sexy you think he is, flaws included. Get erotic and surprise him with a quickie in the morning or right in the hallway after you get home from a dinner date.
Scenario 3: He might be cheating. Not only is he not initiating sex, but he’s also been acting sketchy about where he goes at night and why he’s been late after work and out of touch. In general, he seems moodier and distant.
The Issue: It’s possible he’s seeing someone on the side. When men have a sexual outlet other than you, they won’t feel that they need to initiate sex.
What to Do: Confronting him about this will be difficult, but unless you simply want to wait for the day that he leaves or continue to get stepped over, you’ll have to talk to him about this. If things can still be resolved (which often they can if that’s something that both of you want), you’ll have to rekindle the romance there as lack of sex and intimacy is one of the major drivers for men who go outside their partnership for love and sex.
The Real Reason the Male Psyche Is Complex
You’ll notice that a lot of the “What to Do” sections involve you taking charge of the romance in the relationship. But if you’re not used to that, honey, you have a lot to learn.
Men are complicated creatures. Therapists, romance experts and pop culture in general seems to always go on and on about how complicated the female mind is. It’s a running gag that everyone’s in on.
But men are just as complicated … if not more so. Yep, you read that right.
Male emotions are volatile, yet men themselves let on very little by way of clues and hints about what’s going on in their minds. When’s the last time your hubby or boyfriend sat you down to have a heart to heart? When’s the last time they voiced that they have felt hurt or neglected by something you said or did? Women may be complicated too, but at least we talk about it. Men keep it all in, and it’s up to women to figure out what’s going on.
And if a man is not initiating sex, we don’t mean to freak you out, but something’s wrong. If you don’t want him to walk out on you one day or send you a text that says “We need to talk,” you need to figure out what’s going on with him, and soon. But in order to understand the male sexual psyche, you need an “in”.
A “Road Map” to the Male Sex Psyche That Gives You An Instant In
It’s called The Language of Desire.
They call it a literal road map to the male sexual psyche because it was created by someone who has studied the male mind for years. Felicity Keith is a leading expert in helping women heighten their connections with the men in their life.
If you’re feeling unattractive, undesirable, unwanted or emotionally detached from your man, you aren’t alone. But other women are taking charge of these feelings with The Language of Desire, and they’re finally unlocking the secrets of attraction that make men go wild with lust and longing to be and stay with their women.
These techniques are literally so good … they’ll make your man get a hard on every time you walk in the room. Seriously. No more never initiating sex. No more distant partner who barely seems present. With The Language of Desire you’ll have to bat him off!
Use all of this advice if you’ve found that your man has stopped getting intimate with with you. There’s still time to save your relationship if you act right away.