Are You Always Falling For Men That Are Wrong For You?

by Claire Casey

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So you went out with that crazy guy because he had a loud motorcycle and the sexiest jeans (okay, it wasn’t really the jeans) that you ever laid eyes – and other parts of yourself – on. And it was, predictably, a disaster.

He was abusive, or addicted, a moocher, or a cheater. Not really a new story there. But before it was a disaster, it was a giant pile of delicious, coated in wild, and topped with fun.

It wasn’t that you chose all that… Or did you? Because you certainly did willingly donate 8 months of your life to that insanity. If you didn’t choose it, you at least accepted it.

Okay, Beautiful. It just may be time for a re-set… Just toss your stuff in my Jeep and let’s motor down to the beach and get a drink together, shall we?

 

Hi Claire,

I am 40 yrs old and single. I have lived alone with my children most of my adult life. I have had a few men in my life but two of them were with someone else (didn’t know until it was too late and I was hooked). One was a drug addict and abusive, and one cheated on me the entire year we were together. I seem to attract the wrong men.

When what I would bet is a good one comes along, they are such goofy and nerdy-looking men that I’m not attracted to them. I’m really not shallow, I’ve tried giving it a chance in hopes that they would grow on me but I’ve yet to succeed.

I purchased your online series Capture His Heart, but I work so much that when I get the chance to sit down and start to get into it, I fall asleep. I need help. Is there a “all in a nutshell” version? I am at a loss. ~ Candace

Hey there Candice, thanks for writing in. I’m going to talk to you just like I would if we were sharing a margarita on the beach.

 

Here’s what I see right off the top of my head:

 

1. Did you both agree to be exclusive, and not date other people?

You mentioned that two of the men “in your life” (I can’t tell what that means – dating, living together, or what) were “with someone else.”

My question is whether you had an explicit agreement between you to be exclusive. Maybe you did, or maybe you didn’t, but it isn’t cheating unless you’ve drawn very clear boundaries first. I only say this because so many women choose to date only one guy at a time and ASSUME (usually wrongly) that guys will choose the same.

Make your agreements and expectations clear, AND…

 

2. It’s never “too late.”

If you had both agreed to be exclusive, and your man cheated, that doesn’t mean it’s “too late” for anything. In fact, it’s exactly the right time to either:

a. Raise the issue with him and solve the problem or

b. Dump that guy.

Which brings me to my next point…

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