Movie sex is a thing. You’ll see it in almost every flick that’s not for kids these days.
Passionate kissing that starts in the entryway and leads the lovers down the hall of someone’s amazingly fancy apartment … his shirt is pulled off, buttons flying, her dress unzips with the flick of his hand and her bra is undone. All land on the floor in a sexy trail leading to the master bedroom, where … in a passionate loving embrace, the kissing couple lands on the bed in perfect form and goes at it. Flawless bodies moving with perfect … Okay, you get the picture.
Well. This is all fine and dandy, and hey, we don’t mind watching a stellar sex scene every once in a while! But the reality is … the sex we see in the movies is pretty far removed from the real thing. For lots of reasons. Namely …
- It can be super awkward.
Let’s start with the obvious. Sex can be awkward. We’ll get into the details later, but generally speaking, don’t expect any sexual experience (especially when you’re having sex with someone for the first time) to be like your favorite sex scene in a movie. Body parts are flailing, sometimes you get hurt … and other (not so flattering) stuff happens too.
- You won’t always be in super flattering positions.
Movies have lighting, makeup artists and special camera angles that can make your butt look amazing and your waist look tiny. They can make your skin look unimaginably smooth and your hair look perfect. In reality? If you want to try out that new-fangled position, get ready for some rolls to show up.
- Speaking of positions … some of the ones in the movies don’t work.
Shower sex is possible and can be great fun, but the first time you try it, you’ll more than likely be knocking your head on hard bathroom tiles and getting water in your eyes. The sex positions in movies aren’t impossible, but they’re sure not easy.
- It’s … really messy.
Have you ever seen sex in a movie where they show what needs to be done to clean up afterwards? We haven’t either.
- It may be a little less “sappy.”
The man grazes her cheek. She looks into his eyes. They cry. Well … ok, these things can happen. They’ve been known to happen occasionally. But sex on the day to day, week to week? It’s usually a little more “get down to business,” which can be just as excellent.
- You can’t (or won’t want to) do missionary every time.
Seems like the sex in movies is either insanely complicated position-wise or super conservative, i.e., missionary. Now, nothing against missionary, but it’s a little obvious. After having sex with your partner 4 or 5 times in total even … you’re going to be ready to start experimenting.
- There may be some odd noises.
Sex is a messy affair—or can be. We’ve established that. And as such, some weird noses may come into play that conveniently aren’t audible in the movie sex we see. We know you know what we mean …
- You may not finish at the same time.
Ok this one is possible (and boy, do we love it when it works out), but it won’t always happen the way it always seems to happen in the movies. And who goes last? Usually him (if he’s a standup guy). Which means that for the last few minutes, the woman is strategically trying to help him finish when she already has. Fortunately … he usually doesn’t need much help.
- Women have to put in a lot more effort to finish.
The flip side of #8 is that sometimes, the woman doesn’t finish at all. Now, we are not in the habit of “okay-ing” this. In fact, we think women should be finishing 100 percent of the time. But it also may be true that, in contrast to the movie sex we see, the fairer sex sometimes has a little more difficulty bringing things to a close.
- From serious fight directly to sex rarely happens.
Have you seen those movies where two characters are fighting in one instant, then they immediately rush toward each other and kiss and seconds later, they’re on the kitchen floor having mad hot sex? Has that ever happened to you? Yeah. It’s a good idea in theory, but it’s usually pretty hard to start kissing someone who you’re super mad at.
- It’s never completely perfect.
Finally, remember that quite literally, something almost always goes awry when you’re in the throes of a good romp in the sheets. It’s not that everything goes so completely wrong that it turns everything entirely bad (if that was the case, no one would ever have sex except for in the movies). It’s just that, if it’s not a weird noise from somewhere in your nether regions, or falling off the bed, or spraining a muscle, or hitting your head … it’s something else.
The point of all this? Sex isn’t perfect. It’s not like it is in the movies. But if you love the one you’re with and go into it with the idea of having fun and connecting intimately with your partner … you’ll have the best possible chance to make sex perfect for you. And that’s all that matters.