2 ways to Ignite the Thrill of the Chase (even in a long-term relationship)
The second in an exclusive three-part series on seduction by Felicity Keith
Sexual tension is also known as the chase. Specifically, the thrill of the chase. You want something but it’s slightly out of grasp…or is it?
Sometimes you can have it but you aren’t sure of the next time you’ll enjoy it. That is why new relationships are exciting…there are so many unknowns.
But what happens when you have already slept with someone and you are entering into couplehood? The chase is over…or is it?
Sexual tension is something that is a key component in a vibrant relationship. Without it, it’s easy to veer too far into friendship territory.
We’ve all experienced that in our lives…the one guy who sounds great on paper but he’s just blah.
He may even be frustratingly attractive but he’s so predictable, it negates his hotness. And there’s no excitement because there is zero sexual tension.
This is partly why the elusive bad boy is so attractive to us. We don’t know if we can truly tame him because he’s wild and unpredictable. Ooh…and he probably rides a motorcycle and swigs bourbon. Mmmm…
And for men? They lose the thrill of the chase with women who have zero mystery.
Whether that’s because she combines insecurity with sexual availability…or because she’s too motherly and hovering. There’s absolutely nothing primal or exciting about her.
The people we are most attracted to are the ones who provide that sexual tension and the thrill of the chase. And yes, the chase sounds like a game…and this kind of game isn’t a bad thing.
Yes, you heard me. Games are GOOD in relationships when they are done in the spirit of fun.
Sex is about play and fun. And games are about play and fun. Games get a bad rap when it comes to relationships because there are people out there who consider games to be manipulation with ill-intent. Lying or trying to “get” something from someone. And yes, those things are bad.
But playing a game in the spirit of play? That’s good! Playing a game to bring more fun and creativity to your sex life?
Throwing in some unexpected variety in the form of teasing gives a rush of adrenaline and endorphins.
Adrenaline and endorphins feel good and when you combine them with the reward hormone (dopamine) and the subsequent cuddle hormone (oxytocin) you are brewing up a potent chemical cocktail.
Two Easy Ways to Bring Back the Chase
You may be surprised that it’s so simple to rev up the tension. I used to think it had to involve sexual acrobatics and swinging from chandeliers. But the most effective way to bring back the chase is much tamer and so obvious that most people overlook it.
1. Throw down the gauntlet
Humans love a challenge. That’s part of the chase…you have to put in some effort to get the reward.
It’s easy to come up with ways to introduce fun challenges using the phrases “I bet you can’t…” and “If you do…”.
I like to use this technique when playing an actual game. Like if we are out playing darts, I might casually say “I bet you can’t hit a bullseye in three tries.”
“Oh yeah? I bet I can. What do I get if I do?”
With a coy smirk and a wink, I say “Well, if you do…”
What I wager could be anything from buying the next round to flashing him my undies in public to offering him his most favorite sex act later. Point is, I activate the adrenaline in both of us by raising the stakes in an otherwise normal situation.
You don’t have to be playing an actual game to throw down a challenge. Anything can be turned into a flirty test of skill or chance.
I bet you can’t recite the alphabet 10 times in under 10 seconds without messing up.
I bet the next person who walks in the room is wearing blue.
I bet you can’t fit all of these dishes into one dishwasher load. (that’s a sneaky one)
I bet we see five Honda Accords on the way to the movie theater.
The ideas are really endless. I bet you can think of at least five more right now!
2. Manufacture Longing
This is another fun and easy way to amp the sexual tension wayyy up.
When you can’t be physically intimate, whether due to logistics or circumstance, tease him with how badly you want him. This is a great technique to use when you are separated by distance.
If you were here right now…
I can’t stop thinking about…
For example, when I go away on a girlfriend’s weekend, I love to send him messages describing in explicit detail what I wish I were doing to him and with him. By the time I get back on Sunday, he’s worked up into a frenzy of desire.
It’s also fun to tease this way when you are in a situation like a family dinner, charity auction, or other time when you are near in proximity but bound by rules of decorum.
Carrying on a secret naughty conversation gets you both heated so you can’t wait to be alone and rip off each other’s clothes.
Ready for advanced techniques?
Look for my third installment on seduction here very soon. In the meantime, you can become a master of whipping your man into a frenzy of passion by getting your hot little hands on my best-selling program The Language of Desire.
Check out this video I created that explains why Michael Fiore dubbed me the “Indiana Jones of the Male Mind”.
Warning: Men have been known to become helplessly addicted to the women who learn these techniques!