5 Reasons Why Men Pull Away
by Gia L., B.A., M.A (Sociology)
It’s beyond puzzling, isn’t it? He seems enamoured by you. He can’t get enough of you. He sends the sweetest, most flattering texts every day and he expresses that he’s dying to see you and spend time with you. Then, in a flash, he seems to become totally distant. What is going on?
It can be hard to tell but here are 5 explanations that could account for why he’s making himself scarce.
1. You had sex with him too quickly.
You’ve gone on a couple of dates with the most fantastic man and everything is going incredibly well. You’re clicking and the sexual energy between you is palpable. It just feels right. All signs say GO so you decide to sleep with him. Right after you do, he disappears and you’re left wondering what the heck happened!
You may have slept with him too soon.
Despite the fact that most men understand that we live in a 21st century reality where women have every right to do what they want with their own bodies, there are still men who feel that women who sleep with someone too soon are not relationship material. Is it wrong? Yes. Is it hypocritical? Definitely. But the double standard has not entirely disappeared with the times.
Does this mean that you should allow what he may think of you to dictate how you express yourself sexually? Hell no! In fact, many relationship experts agree that when a man truly likes you and he is ready and looking for a relationship (not just falsely lulling you into thinking that he likes you but in reality is just looking for sex), sleeping with him soon after you meet him will NOT deter him from further dating you and pursuing a relationship.
Just be aware that the double standard is still there with some men and may explain his distant behavior.
2. You are at different places emotionally in your relationship.
Maybe you’re ready for a serious relationship and he’s still on the merry-go-round of life. What’s more, he doesn’t particularly seem to want to jump off.
Or perhaps you really like who he is and feel yourself becoming emotionally attached to him but his actions tell you he’s not ready to go there.
It’s also possible that he is unsure of or afraid of his own feelings. If he doesn’t have the relationship skills that you have, forming a closer bond with you can feel extra threatening to him, making him want to put some space between the two of you.
Whatever the case, if he either isn’t as emotionally invested in the relationship as you are, or he is but just doesn’t know what to do with his feelings for you, he may find it best, and perhaps kinder, to step away from you altogether while he tries to figure it all out.
When one partner wants (much) more from the relationship than the other does, it creates an imbalance that can feel overwhelming to the partner who is not ready to swim into deeper waters. On the flip side of the coin, it’s incredibly confusing for the partner who thought everything was going great, and all of a sudden is left wondering what they may have done wrong to cause their partner’s change in behavior.
This is a case of a true, honest to goodness, “It’s not you, it’s me.” You can be the most perfect partner in his eyes but if he is not ready to commit to you or his feelings, it’s he who is trying to work through his issues. It really does have nothing to do with you.
“How could he possibly turn his back on this amazing connection we have,” you ask? Well, he can, and he very well might if he’s not emotionally ready.
Yes, that hurts. But guess what? YOU have emotional needs and desires as well and if he’s not prepared to become an equal emotional partner to you, ask yourself if this is really okay with you. Don’t you deserve to give the best parts of yourself to someone who is ready to accept them and cultivate a loving relationship with you?