Ghosting: THIS Is Why It’s Happening to You
By: Faye Roberts
Think back 10 or more years. Do you remember sitting by your home phone and waiting for that special someone to call? Quite the nail biting experience, right?
And if they didn’t call, if hours went by or even days or entire weekends … no need to worry! There were many ways to justify their absence. Like perhaps they …
- Were out of town.
- Got sick.
- Were just totally bogged down with work.
- Were trying to play hard to get with you …
- Were having trouble with their phone lines?
- Oh! They were in a serious accident!
- Kidnapped … ?
- Suddenly had to go into witness protection … Maybe?
Ok, so some of these could have been true, but of course some of them were never true and never would be. Sometimes, that guy or girl just didn’t like you back, and it was a relatively easy letdown once you understood. In most cases, they’d tell you.
Today, things are different. The fact that there are so many ways we can contact each other (call, text, email, Facebook …) means that there are also so many ways we can be, well, ignored.
In fact, because most people in this day and age are with a phone, computer, or tablet almost 24/7, it’s made the ignoring glaringly obvious.
And the phenomenon has been given a name: Ghosting.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting occurs when someone you’ve been dating or would like to start dating suddenly stops replying to your calls, texts and emails. It happens one day seemingly out of the blue, or you may notice a slow trail of less and less contact.
The common denominator in all ghosting situations is that you don’t get an explanation. You don’t get a straightforward “I don’t want to date you anymore” or anything similar. As such, you’re left with a lot of questions.
Why Do People Think It’s Okay to Ghost Someone?
If you’re wondering about the answer to this question, then you’re probably not the kind of person who would ghost someone else, and that’s a good thing.
At its core, ghosting is a rather cowardly, rude act that almost always ends up hurting the other person. Even if you’ve only been on a few dates, even if you haven’t even gone out yet! Being rejected hurts.
And having no idea why you’ve been rejected? Hurts even more.
Every ghosting situation is naturally different. But most of the time, you can attribute ghosting to the dating climate in this day and age. Things are different! People are literally swiping through pictures of people to see “who looks good.” In other words, people are more expendable.
Some people are going on multiple dates in one night, courting several people simultaneously. So someone you met online and made plans with may have tried making plans with 4 other people too. If one of those people strikes their fancy first—you’re out. No fair, right? We don’t think so either, but it’s what’s happening to a lot of people.
What to Do if You’ve Been Ghosted
It can feel really bad to be ghosted. If it’s a longer term relationship, it’s of course going to be especially crushing. Here are 3 ways to help yourself deal with it.
- Accept It and Realize the Dating World Has Changed
The realization that you’ve been ghosted hurts. But you have to notice it, see it for what it is, and accept it so that you can avoid any embarrassment and move on. How to see it? Well, if you haven’t gotten a response from them after 3 attempts on your part, don’t assume they’re trapped under something heavy. You’ve probably been ghosted.
You will know when someone is into you. You’ll feel it because they’ll lay it on thick, and you’ll be able to tell even if they’re trying to play hard to get.
If you’ve been ghosted, remember, it’s not about you. Accept it, and talk to friends about it. Almost everyone has been ghosted.
- Cut Contact on Your End
Now, it’s your responsibility to stop contacting them. Don’t text to say “I know what you’re doing! You %#@$!” Don’t leave a message saying “I miss you, call me!” And do not go to their house, try to find out information from your mutual friends, or “accidentally run into them” at their favorite bar. As soon as you realize what’s going on, cut the contact.
- Get the Answers You Deserve
This pertains to longer term relationships. If you’ve only texted or talked on the phone or perhaps been out once or twice, don’t dig yourself into a bigger hole—cut the line and move on.
But if you’ve been dating for a while, and all of the sudden, your calls and texts aren’t being answered, you go to their house and knock on the door, and nothing, then you see they’ve just posted a picture of themselves with someone else on the Internet … you know what’s going on. And that’s very unkind. You deserve to know why it’s happening.
Women tend to be more compassionate to men in these situations. If you’re a guy in a ghosting situation, try respectfully asking the woman what’s going on, and they’ll hopefully explain. But remember, if you’re angry and aggressive, you can almost guarantee they’ll keep ignoring you.
For women who want to know why they’ve been ghosted by men, it’s a whole different story. Why men lie is one of the great questions of our time. Why don’t they feel like they can tell the truth? What’s going on in their minds? Why are they closing us out?
Fortunately, one man is giving up the answers.
Famed relationship expert Michael Fiore has decided to tell the dirty truth about why men lie in his amazing guide especially for women called The Secret Survey.
The Secret Survey explains in detail what men are dying for women to know. They lie for a reason—you know that, right? And as a woman, you hold a lot of the power here.
For example, did you know that men feel extremely vulnerable around women? And that because this feeling of vulnerability goes directly against the expectation that men always be tough and masculine, this scares men and makes them cut contact out of fear of being too emotional?
This is only one element of The Secret Survey. The guide is a must for every woman, but especially for women who are being ghosted.
The feeling of being ghosted hurts badly, but the situation may not be what you think it is. Look into The Secret Survey to see if what you’ve been suspecting may be true … and don’t lose hope.