Do You Value Yourself Enough To Shut Him Down?

Do You Value Yourself Enough To Shut Him Down?

by Claire Casey

do you value yourself enough


When you value the person you are, you treat yourself well, and refuse to let others treat you in ways that deny your own dreams.

When you value yourself, you will…

  • Treat yourself like your own best friend.
  • Understand life messiness and failures as ordinary learning opportunities.
  • Practice self-mindfulness – check in with your feelings, desires, and goals every day


(And it’s a big but, haha.)

What about when you’re immersed in the excitement and drama of a new relationship? In the heady fizz of a fresh attraction, do you lose sight of what you really want? Or are you able to value yourself enough that you don’t compromise your dreams?

“Hi Claire,

I am currently working through Capture his Heart. It is so helpful, everyone needs to do it! I need some straight talking advice please. I worked with this guy for years (no attraction and l thought he was a bit of a player) but I had this dream about him a year ago and decided to tell him. I knew he was single so I thought why not?

Sure enough he loved the idea of me now liking him. We sent a few cheeky emails and spent a few nights together, but I had feelings and he wasn’t sharing anything so I called it a day.

Then he said he had something to tell me, that he shared a car with his ex and they hang out sometimes. I said maybe they should consider getting back together if they still shared their time and left it at that. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious but he liked me and if two single people wanted to meet now and again to let him know. Then he moved back in with his ex out of convenience (!) but still wanted my attention!

I’ve told him we’re not really friends but he keeps sending texts. I said if he ever wants to share or be honest I’m happy to chat but otherwise don’t contact me.

Have I done the right thing? I just can’t bear the thought of being some girl he texts when he is bored!

Any help greatly appreciated… Love Deirdre”

Dierdre, you are BRILLIANT. I love it when women email me and they have figured it out already!

Here’s why I think you’re right on target here, because I know there are other women who have been in the same situation…


1 comment

  1. Oh Claire,

    Do I need your help!! I am that girl that did not have low self-esteem, was not looking for a boyfriend, a date, or a booty-call when I seen him…. A guy I actually did a double take to his smile again and then again. A few moments later I realized we were with the same group of people and a good friendbof mine was our mutual friend connection and she turned into “match maker”. He and I hit it off instantly talked on the phone until 6am the next AM, no we did not kiss nor sleep together that 1st night either, just a very sweet & long embracing hug before going our seperate ways. He came over 2 days later and I cooked him dinner and watched a movie, still didn’t sleep with him but we were affectionate. After that for the next 12 mos he was with me pretty much most nights, maybe spent 5 total nights away from me In a months time. After month 8, I noticed him to be on his phone at night texting, was coming over later at night to spend the night, meeting friends for a beer with lunch or happy hour, I only went with like 2x a month due to my work schedule. I asked him letting him know that I would NEVER be “the other girl” nor the regular keeper that sits home while he’s just partying it up. I was not the jealous type until I caught him in a little white lie that escalated because he was talking to another girl, was asking her to dinner, they never ended up going anywhere, he told her he couldn’t communicate with her anymore and didn’t until month 16 (or who knows when really) when we were living together. 2 months after I moved in everything went downhill fast, he was caught lying multiple times and on a dating website talking to girls in other states just chatting & texting but he just tries to continue liee about ALL of it, gets defensive, and threatens me (not physically) but if I dont shut up he will stop loving me, kick me out, leave the house when I fall asleep that night., etc. He has killed the vivaciousness and fun girl I once was. We’ve been together 19 mos today, I did leave the house a week ago though but he’s been with me every night since except 1. I love this man, we connect or used to, our kids & families are involved now, we’re passionate, funny … BUT, as I type this he got I dont know 15-20 text msgs, when I asked who from he completely ignored the question. I don’t want to feel this way, it hurts my heart, soul, & spirit. But, I feel like we could be so very happy if the lies, manipulation, and constant flirting stopped. I dont think he can/or will give any of those up….. HELP!!!