Right guy for me?

Lip Service Question

I need advice because I have to admit I’m kind of confused about something . I met a guy that I found really great a few month ago. Since the beginning it was clear that no love relation was possible because he doesn’t want to be in a relation, so we start sleeping together but just as “friends”. The problem is that his attitude is confusing sometimes because he acts like I am more then just a girl who he is sleeping with. He cares about me, he is sweet, he wants me to be well , he is careful for me not to be jealous because he doesn’t want to make me feel bad, etc.. He’s even talking about what it would be like to have a kid with me, by doing kinda joke but still. All my friends told me that he doesn’t know what he wants, but I don’t know because he always says that he doesn’t want to be in a relation, that he prefers to have many girls to sleep with. I wonder what I’ve got to do because to be honest this guy really interests me, and if it was possible I would like to have more with him but I don’t know what to do!

10 comments

  1. hmm well its your choice ; but if hes repeatadially sad no relationship an wants other women ; why truelly would you want that an to have a child that would only know his father as a player ; jus sayin; its your choice but not what i think most would want ; thanks Walt

  2. I have a similar thing, I am 56 and my “lover” is 55. I am totally smitten , love at first sight, sex is great when we are together its wonderful and he acts like I am the most perfect woman for him. We click super well. yet… because of two failed marriages he vows that he will never love again or tie him self down to devoting him self to one woman ever again…happy to stay alone and single and freedom to be with other woman who have to accept the same conditions…on his terms…he also has minimal free / relationship time as he works nights and this is awful in respect to dating…and scheduling times together. So there fore I am in a unrequited love situation that feels so perfect when we are together as he is sweet thoughtful, romantic and even sends post card and cards when apart but not a great responder or communicator otherwise. and you can’t count on him …its random…hot /cold …he knows my feelings and kisses my tears away…and tells me to watch out for my heart…some times it really hurts and then other times I feel greatful to just have our sporadic passion times when they happen. I feel there is more that he is denying and suppressing.(internal battle) and tells me he doesnt deliberately try to hurt me yet he knows he frustrates me as i want more…and exclusive…and I think he does want me around for a long term FWB. as we have great times. Do I just keep trying to live in the moment as he does and give up hoping he will ever change and keep looking for mr. right. while having mr. right now!?

  3. Simply put, No, he is not the one for you. he sounds like he is just using you ab
    nd stringing you along, telling you just enough to keep you in his game. and that sounds like what it is to him , a game. He doesnt want you to be jealous because that could be a problem for him. He is talking about wanting to have a kid with you because that will keep you interested. because you want a relationship. if he tells you he doesnt want a relationship. He just wants to sleep with many girls, why do you think that he is the one for you? from what you are telling us , there is no more to be had with him than what you have now.
    not knowing anything about you , i will tell you , you are worth more than what he is willing to give. and while you are waiting for something to happen to change the dynamic of the current relationship, life is passing you by. the last words i had with my 23 yer old nephew before he died last month were, ” it goes by very fast! dont waste Any of it because you will Never get it back!! Go find happiness while you can.” he was wise beyond his years. his life wasnt wasted , not one moment. from the time he was a small boy , he lived life to the fullest. so to answer your original question,,, It sounds like you want things from life that this guy isnt willing to live with you. Do what you need to do for yourself , but live All of your life!! for you, You are worth it , you are worth more than what you have right now.
    Do your best and smile, it makes a difference ….

  4. Girl, run. He already has what he wants with you. He wants many girls to sleep with?? I bet he is telling every single one of his girls the same things. Why should he commit? He is getting all he wants. If u really like him make an ultimatum. Either he wants only you or you are done. If you truly want a monogamous relationship with him, then that is what you do. If he wants only you and is serious about what he says, then he will be with just you. Words are cheap. Actions and getting what you want out of it is what you truly want. Don’t settle!

  5. A good friend of mine , a psychologist, and once said to me … a man will do to you what you allow, if you give him the power to control and keep the relations one sided, he will do just that. By him declaring upfront that he doesn’t want a serious relationship and you agreed then you have given him your power. He will never want anything else, why should he, he’s getting what you he wants, he’s happy are you? If you are not… my advice is to walk away and find someone who wants equitable relationship, where both are getting your needs met, my sista. Never settle, you won’t be happy. Besides if God that special person for you won’t see him… Best of luck!

  6. Dump him…he will find some one else and dump you…dump him first so it won’t hurt so much the guy is a player…always a player and a cheater..take my advice IS am 53 y/o. Good luck

  7. Girl don’t do it. I’ve just been strung along like that for the past 3 years, we both agreed when we met that neither of us wanted a relationship & that we were free to see other people – even though I never did, I’m sure he did. He talked of us going overseas to meet family & having holidays together. He showed jealousy when I talked about going out, for drinks with my girlfriends or people from work, or if we went out together he’d get angry & jealous of other guys looking at me. Over the years I did develop feelings for him, but I was happy with what we had & thought he was too. Everyone we knew said we were perfect togther & made a great couple. Then one night after he left my bed I had an e-mail an hour later saying he wanted to be friends with me but nothing else & he was sorry if I wanted more but he couldn’t give more. I wrote back that I was happy as we were but if that was his choice then so be it – think I was numb that he could do that in an e-mail. Then a couple of weeks after the e-mail he changed his messenger status saying he’d met “someone special who was the One”. I was gutted & heartbroken that he didn’t respect me enough to tell me. So think long & hard before you do anything further, I know I wouldn’t want anyone to go through the heartache for a player / user that I’ve been through.

  8. OMG,,, silly girl… they are who they are…. your interested in a guy, who wants many partners…… He would NEVER be faithfull…… youd always wander……
    Your way to good for him. Have a play, keep it as just that…. if you let your feelings go for him,,,, you will be sorry you did…….
    Kim. 😉

  9. a friendly relationship relieves you of the pressures of a romantic or intimate relationship. i think thats why he keeps stressing, being friends. then again, he may be crazy about you….he enjoys what you give, but he doesn’t want to have to give back either. i would say, (and word it your own way) take back the power/control….let him know that, god has given you the most precious combined gift of love, honor, respect and a true giving heart….i know someday that guy will walk into my life and if what we’ve shared so far, isn’t something you don’t want to try and see what the future may hold, then it’s time for me to move on….then let it be, no contact with him. either he’ll come back on your terms or walk away. either way, at least you know and no regrets.