Should You Be Waiting For Him?

Should You Be Waiting For Him?

by Claire Casey

Yes, most of the online advice says NEVER wait on a man. But have you ever felt such a simple answer is a bit too dismissive?

Have you wondered if there wasn’t some more information that might be helpful to you, hidden away inside the question…

“How do I know how long to wait?”

should you be waiting for him?

Life often isn’t black and white. Sometimes there are gray areas when it comes to knowing whether or not – or exactly how long – to wait for a man.

Because sometimes he’s got stuff going on, right? Maybe some very difficult stuff. The death of a family member, a critical illness, a major move or job change. That sort of thing can wreak havok with your relationships, not to mention your state of mind and emotional health.

So it’s a legitimate question, and you need to know how to answer it. How long should you wait?

Fortunately, there’s a simple and quick way to get at the answer – and no, it’s not a “one size/answer fits all” thing; it’s a way to find the answer that’s right for YOU, in whatever situation you might find yourself in…

Hi Claire,

My boyfriend of almost a year recently lost his father and step-father within a month of each other. It’s been very hard for him and he has been very distant. I have been very supportive and have been giving him space to deal with things.

He sent me a text this morning and said that he’s really sorry but he needs to be alone and can’t go out anymore. He would still like to be friends. I told him all of that was fine and thanked him for the text, etc.

Do you think we might get back together after all this? I’m guessing the answer is no because maybe this is was a good opportunity for him to realize that we weren’t compatible as a couple but I don’t know.

To be honest I was waiting for him to dump me a couple months ago ( I was very insecure about myself for a little bit) but then things seemed good again until all the funerals started.

How do you know if you should be waiting around and for how long?

~ Karen

Hi, Karen – thank you for writing. Several things about your letter jump out at me, but I want to begin by answering the biggest question first, because it’s such a powerful one. Far too many advice-givers online (and offline) dismiss this kind of question out of hand, and just say “never wait on a man.”

While that’s kind of an easy answer, there’s also another way to get at it that may be more helpful, especially given your particular circumstances and what’s going on with your guy.

The #1 Surefire Way to Know How Long to Wait on a Man

How Long Should You Wait for a Guy?So many women are looking very intently at the men they are dating – watching what HE’s doing, wondering what HE’s thinking, considering what HE wants, feels, and needs. That’s legit. But it’s also only half of the equation.

Karen, I do NOT want to trivialize the very important and life-changing troubles your boyfriend is going through, but here’s a little story that will remind you of something you aren’t thinking about right now…

Sarah was enjoying dinner at a lovely restaurant, and at the end of the meal, she ordered her very favorite end-of-meal treat: an Irish Coffee.

The waiter brought her a thick white mug, steaming and filled to the brim. She breathed in the aroma and sighed happily. Then she took a sip. It was a delicious, fine roast of coffee, thick with real cream and even a hint of brown sugar.

What was missing was the whiskey!

Sarah quickly caught the eye of the waiter and explained the oversight. He apologized profusely, retrieved the mug, and quickly brought her back the drink she had ordered, this time with all the ingredients she loved so much.

Happy ending, right?

Now every time you order an Irish Coffee, I hope you’ll think of this:

The way to answer the question “How do I know when and how long to wait on a man?” is to clearly know what YOU want.

I’ll say that again, in case you were distracted by the Irish Coffee… 🙂

The way to know when and how long to wait on a man – no matter what is going on in HIS life – is to know what YOU want, and (this is important, too) how long you’re willing to wait to get it.

Continue Reading

8 comments

  1. Seventeen plus years ago I fell head over heels, love at first sight with someone. I was with someone else. I moved away for several years but never forgot him. When I returned back to my hometown I started a MySpace so I could keep in touch with my friends. I found him again but he was married. I accepted that we were just going to be friends. I quit using MySpace and years went by. All my family moved so we all got Facebook. I married the father of my son last October. In December, I found him again. We picked up our friendship like no time had passed. He recently admitted his feelings for me. I have struggled to make my marriage work but it’s been one sided. I am going to divorce my husband and be with the man I have ALWAYS been meant to be with. 17 years is a long time to carry a torch but when it’s right it’s worth every second.

  2. Awesome article. Some of the BEST advice I’ve ever read! Thank you so much. I will strive to keep this gem in my mind. Thank you!

  3. This is great advice. It gave me a little hope. I’ve been in love with a best friend since we were 12 and 13 years old, we are now 31 and 32. We connect..and click, he recently moved in as a roomate and I see that we easily respect eachothers space and live together in harmony. I am the only person that he considers his true friend and hes expressed to me that he doesnt want to do anything to damage that and lose me forever. Noble of him as the southern gent that he is. However, I have feelings that are strong for him. I’d do anything for him, even give my life for him ( course he wouldnt let me) . Ive tried to turn the feelings off, bury them, ignore them…they dont go away…they are just there and apparently to stay. In my mind its safe to say that i love him with all my heart, mind, and soul. If I ever married again it would be to him…and only him. Ive tried talking to other guys…get interested in others….theres a part of my heart..a strong part that stays with him…i feel its unfair of me to love someone else with half a heart..so i just stay single…its been my insight that id be his wife….and have his kids…..that scenario just wasnt in the cards…hes been married has kids….ive been married…no kids..But hes the one i want.. and i suppose if i have to wait forever just for one day of having what i want with him…it would all be worth it.

  4. I lied to my girlfriend on last Valentine’s day I sent lady friend chocolate covered strawberries and my girlfriend of 3 years a $10 box of chocolates I got caught at first I denied it than I admitted it and apologised she decided we would just be friends we are slept together when we can in September I decided to go to Texas for the winter she helped me move I bought her a plane ticket we text everyday she calls every other day going to send me home made chocolate chip cookies neither one had been seeing anyone else do why is she doing this? I love her like I have never lived a anyone before
    Thank you

  5. Met on line a rock-star-type-person.
    Before I really knew his popularity status, although never meeting in person, I felt incredibly drawn to him, picture, writings, certain videos. We started communicating…. if you could CALL it that ….. I spoke more than he did… he was more interested in being amorous through words (on his part, sometimes- only one syllable words).He came to my town on business…making sure I KNEW he’d be here “that week”(nothing specific).I was incredibly busy “that week”& didn’t take the time to “track him down”.He, however really made no effort when he was here to directly contact ME,either.Later, he told me “it went both ways”–he didn’t/but, “I didn’t look for him,either”.So, back to online flirting. He appeared to want to take it amorously further via msg./phonecall~~ @ which point , I pretty much made it clear, I’m NOT into “sexting” OR “phone sex”whatever, ESPCIALLY w/a virtual “stranger”.I attempted to get some clarity,and have him define what his intentions were….what this “thing”between us WAS etc..He pretty much evaded.
    This is my FIRST” online-attraction-thing…. and I’m sure,to him, I came off as being rather UNRELAXED, maybe even slightly goofey, and I’m usually confident and somewhat collected and ride the glow of things. He got me completely stumbling all over myself- and discombobulated like some kinda school girl, GEEZ…. now that I read back over what I just typed…the answer screamed at me…OK DUMB-DUMB, YOU ALMOST GOT PLAYED! Case closed. *note to self: NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!!!

  6. Met on line a rock-star-type-person.
    Before I really knew his popularity status, although never meeting in person, I felt incredibly drawn to him, picture, writings, certain videos. We started communicating…. if you could CALL it that ….. I spoke more than he did… he was more interested in being amorous through words (on his part, sometimes- only one syllable words).He came to my town on business…making sure I KNEW he’d be here “that week”(nothing specific).I was incredibly busy “that week”& didn’t take the time to “track him down”.He, however really made no effort when he was here to directly contact ME,either.Later, he told me “it went both ways”–he didn’t/but, “I didn’t look for him,either”.So, back to online flirting. He appeared to want to take it amorously further via msg./phonecall~~ @ which point , I pretty much eluded to– I’m NOT into “sexting” OR “phone sex”whatever, ESPECIALLY w/a virtual “stranger”.I attempted to get some clarity,and have him define what his intentions were….what this “thing”between us WAS etc..He pretty much evaded everything.
    This is my FIRST” online-attraction-thing…. and I’m sure, to him, I came off as being rather UNRELAXED, maybe even slightly goofey, and I’m usually confident and somewhat collected and ride the tide and go with the flow of things. He got me completely stumbling all over myself- and discombobulated like some kinda school girl, GEEZ…. now that I read back over what I just typed…the answer screamed at me…OK DUMB-DUMB, YOU ALMOST GOT PLAYED! Case closed.
    *note to self: NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!!!

  7. This helps me a lot! Obviously, it’s a bit of a role reversal for me (guy waiting for girl), but I think it transitions rather nicely!

    In my case, I have a certain lady friend. Known each other our whole lives, close friends, almost siblings. However, fairly recently, I’ve begun to ponder the possibility of us, perhaps, becoming more someday…or, at least, trying to work towards such a goal together.

    She has been fairly clear that she doesn’t want to be friends, and maybe that is her honest view. However, I cannot seem to shake this slight feeling that, just maybe, if I give it time and continue being friends with her…things “might” change.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not desperate. I do not think myself able to change anyone’s mind on anything, let alone hers on something like this. Nor do I feel as though I’d need a relationship with another human being: I have all I could ask for and more in myself and my Lord.

    That said, while I am fairly well complete as-is…I’ll be damned if I couldn’t be so much better with someone else…especially someone like her!

    So, for now, I’m content to focus on other aspects of my life. However, at least thus far, I believe it to be more than worth it to wait on her regarding the relationship front: should we remain “just” friends, so be it; should we ever agree to even give this a shot (come what may, etc), well…time is the least I can give!

Copyright © 2013-2019 I Love My LSI All rights reserved.