How I Finally Found Love When I Pulled the Plug on Relationships

I Finally Found Love When I Pulled the Plug on Relationships

 

You may think that “pulling the plug on relationships” is a little drastic, and maybe it is to most people.

 

But it’s what I did, and I lived to tell the tale. Actually, I more than lived; I prospered. Pulling the plug is what saved me.

 

Today … I have the man of my dreams at my side. He loves me for me, he dotes on me, and we’ve been together for several years. Every day, I feel like I love him more, and I know, I know, that sounds so stupid and cliché, but ladies, once you’ve experienced it, you know it’s not cliché.

 

It’s real.

 

Let’s Start at the Beginning

 

I’m sitting alone in my car in a middle school parking lot. It’s a Saturday afternoon in spring, and I distinctly remember uncomfortably shifting in my seat because of this annoying extra flab that had developed on either side of my upper back. That’s where I gain weight, and I was in a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup phase. I’d gained about 10 pounds in a month or two.

 

So, I’m sitting there staring at gross piles of snow, waiting. I’m waiting for a call on my cell.

 

The night before, I had been up late in bed texting back and forth with my ex, Jason, telling him how bad I had gotten … how upset I was after the terrible breakup we’d had. It’d been several weeks, and I regretted everything I had done, I wanted him back … needed him back I said.

 

He couldn’t talk right then, so he told me he’d call me the next day after he got out of work.

 

I was living with my older brother and his wife (I know …) at the time; I’d moved out of Jason’s house after the breakup.

 

I didn’t want my brother or his wife to hear our conversation: thus, the middle school parking lot.

 

Sitting there in my sweats, greasy hair, bags under my eyes from not sleeping, peanut butter cup wrappers on the floor, an empty Big Gulp next to me, I felt positively awful — the worst I ever had in my life. I missed Jason so much. I wanted him back so badly, and I was deathly afraid that everything was against me. I had hit bottom, but I still had a little hope.

 

Then it got worse.

 

I waited for Jason to call, and he didn’t. I waited and waited, and finally, I decided to call him.

 

It rang several times, then someone picked up. Someone was talking away from the phone with someone else, muffled voices, and finally, a voice came on. A woman’s voice.

 

“Don’t call here,” she said. “Jason has a new girlfriend, and he does NOT want to talk to you. Stop calling. Get a life.”

 

I was stunned. Tears instantly began to flood out of my eyes.

 

Then it got worse … again.

 

I realized I knew the voice.

 

A co-worker at Jason’s office. Someone I had seen and even spent time with. Someone who I had — in passing —suspected of having had a crush on Jason. And whose phone number (after some digging) I’d seen pop up on his phone when he’d left it in the other room.

 

You can only imagine what happened after that.

 

I was totally defeated. Not only had that entire relationship been a lie, but Jason had been the relationship that was supposed to be my saving grace. Before him, I had been with another guy for two years … who had also cheated.

 

I had absolutely no faith in men or relationships. Twice … my only two long-term relationships had ended in shambles. Cheated on twice, I had been left with almost zero self-esteem.

 

For a while, I went into a deep depression.

 

Several weeks passed, and I did almost nothing. When I wasn’t dragging myself to work and doing the bare minimum, I stayed in bed, watching TV.

 

Finally, one Saturday morning about six weeks after that fateful day, I heard a gentle knock on my door. I was still living with my brother and his wife, trying not to bother them but not really thinking about when I would move out or about my future. When you’re that far gone, you can basically only take it a day at a time.

 

I said come in, and my sister-in-law Amy poked her head around the door.

 

“Hi,” she said softly. I was lying in bed, and she came and sat next to me. “How are you doing?”

 

Not wanting to alarm her, I feigned I’d had a headache, blah blah, blah, but she saw right through me. She said she’d been watching what I was going through and she had something she wanted to tell me.

 

“You didn’t know me before I met your brother, but I was actually where you are right now only about three months before we met and he introduced me to you and your family. Did you know that?”

 

I had not. Amy had always seemed so put-together and in control. Almost annoyingly so. I told her I hadn’t.

 

“I was,” she continued. “I’d just been cheated on and had my heart broken, but I did something kind of weird to get out of it.”

 

She told me that a friend of hers had given her the advice of trying to “forget men … and relationships … completely.” At first, she thought it was stupid, but she said she did a little searching online and found that this was a way that a lot of women finally found their way out of depression after multiple relationship failures like she had been through.

 

She told me that she took the advice. And once she totally dropped the idea of men and relationships altogether and focused on herself, she felt instantly better.

 

She started hanging out with friends and family more. She focused on her health and her career. And she focused on boosting her own self-regard and self-confidence.

 

And she said almost two months after that, she met my brother at a hockey game.

 

What she said, hit me hard. All I’d ever, ever considered was how I could get Jason back or how I could make him jealous … or find someone even better to throw in his face. I’d never thought of forgetting love altogether.

 

So, I did it.

 

And when I did? Everything changed just like Amy had said.

 

I did a little searching of my own, in fact. Amy’s advice was helpful, but I needed something more concrete to build myself back up if I was really going to get out of my rut. In the end, I used a course to get my confidence back, and it worked wonders. If you want to try it, it honestly truly saved me. It’s called the Gorgeous Course, and it helped me to redefine how I see myself and put all my energy and focus on me and my dreams. It has some truly amazing advice that totally changed my mindset in it. I attribute my success to Amy … and to that course.

 

Not only did I stop attaching my self-worth to a man, but I improved my circumstances. I moved out of my brother’s, worked hard at my job and landed a promotion, joined some fitness classes that Amy was taking, spent loads of time with family and friends, and … BAM, that was when I met someone.

 

Honestly, it was the weirdest and most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. Since then, I’ve met other women who have found the same thing happened to them: forget men and relationships … improve YOU … and you’ll find the greatest relationship of your life.

 

Don’t let anyone tell you that it can’t be done either. Because I have lived it.

 

If you are in a situation like I was on that spring day, sitting in my car in a parking lot … you can make it out too and find the man of your dreams. Just take my advice. Use the course and don’t attach your worth to men. It’s you who makes the difference.

 

Switch On, Switch Off: Solutions for Becoming an Irresistible Bombshell Overnight

In order to become a man’s obsession, his addiction, you’ve got to know what makes him operate.

 

Every woman has that one special man she can’t stop thinking about.

For you, this guy might be your current boyfriend or husband.

Or perhaps it’s a guy you just started seeing … or one who has no idea you’re even into him at all!

Regardless of what your status is, we all have that one object of desire. We think about him all the time. We’re probably even a little obsessed.

 

And in return … we want him to be obsessed with us.

 

Come on, you know it’s true! You don’t want to be “just some woman” to him. You don’t want to be “a good woman” in his eyes.

 

You want to be the best woman! You want to be adored by him. Even more than that, you want to be the one he can’t live without.

 

Every day, you should be the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up in the morning. Last thing he thinks of when he goes to bed. He’s thinking about you all the time. Everything reminds him of you.

 

If he’s not with you, he’s wondering what you’re doing. He’s desperate to know what you’re doing, in fact.

 

In short, we want to be his addiction.

 

Okay, do you have this man in mind?

 

And … how are things between the two of you?

Does he adore you?

Are you his obsession?

Is he completely and utterly addicted to you?

 

If not … well, this is for you, doll.

 

Because what you need to know is … you can make him become addicted to you.

 

Just gotta know one essential thing about how men operate.

 

The Secret to Man’s True Desire

 

In order to become a man’s obsession … his addiction … you’ve got to know what makes him operate.

 

And this leads us to one crucial feeling that men are constantly seeking.

 

No. Seriously. I’m not sure this is fully sinking in.

 

This One. Feeling. is what Makes. Men. Tick.

 

Okay, here goes.

 

Let’s start with a question: Have you ever heard the expression “The thrill of the chase”?

 

It’s a fairly common one—used to denote the excitement one feels when trying to accomplish something difficult. Notice, however, that the expression doesn’t say “The thrill of the accomplishment.” Rather, the emphasis is on the … well, the hard part: the chase.

 

This is noteworthy for us why, you ask?

 

Because it’s exactly the sentiment that applies to men when they’re courting or trying to impress a woman.

 

It isn’t the success part of the work that gets their motors runnin’. Okay, maybe for a slight moment after a woman finally, finally says that “Yes, I will go on a date with you” or “Yes, I love you too,” the man will feel a warm sense of triumph over his accomplishment.

 

But it doesn’t last.

 

And for the most part, it’s still that thrill of the chase, the hunt, the work if you will, that keeps him going, striving, and super interested in whatever woman he’s attempting to, ahem, conquer.

 

And this can all be narrowed down to one word:

 

Challenge.

 

Men want a challenge. Whatever it is, they want to work for it.

 

Give a man a cushy, respected, well-paying job that he didn’t earn, and he’ll quit.

 

Give a man an amazing body that is always perfectly toned no matter how much he eats or how much he works out, and he won’t appreciate it. In fact, he’ll probably be annoyed by it.

 

Give a man a beautiful, slender, hard-working, funny, doting woman who adores him (the “perfect” woman), and he’ll break it off.

 

So … huh!?

 

Yes, it’s a little confusing. Let’s explain further.

 

 

No Challenge … No Desire

 

We all know that men want to be protectors. They want to be hunters. They want to be protagonists in the narrative of the world. But what do all of these “roles” have in common?

 

They’re challenging. And they give him an adrenaline rush.

 

What’s adrenaline?

 

It’s a hormone that comes about in times of high stress, strain or pressure. For example, when you’re up for a big job promotion that you’re *worried* you won’t get … adrenaline hits.

 

Or when you’re getting ready to go on a date with someone, but you’re *worried* they won’t like you … adrenaline hits again.

 

Notice the word “worried”?

 

Yeah, you’re gonna have to make him a little worried. More on that later.

 

Back to the point. If a man isn’t challenged in some way … if he doesn’t have to work hard to achieve something … he could care less.

 

Get it now?

 

If your man doesn’t have to work for you … fill in the blank … he could care less.

 

This is not a position you want to be in.

 

So, what does this mean?

 

It means that even if you already adore him and feel a strong pull to dote on him and make courting you suuuper easy on him … STOP. NOW.

 

Because you’re going to need to keep him “on his toes” in order to keep him addicted to you. Keep him worried. You see, there’s a lightning-fast adrenal buildup that happens every single time a man is doing or thinking / imagining anything that is a super big, stereotypically masculine obsession.

 

And “getting” a “difficult-to-get” woman … is definitely a masculine obsession.

 

Don’t worry, this isn’t difficult if you know what to do, and it’s also not a trick. This is actually a mating tradition that’s common in numerous types of animals. Just so happens it’s also a human thing.

 

 

So … How Do Women Tap Into This?

 

We’re already over the first hurdle. You now know that throwing yourself at him and being at his every beck and call is not the way to get him addicted to you.

 

Now the issue is that many women simply don’t know how to go about harnessing this challenge and adrenaline rush in their men.

 

It might be easy to assume that all it takes to stimulate a man is to appear sexually attractive, but the truth of the matter is … it takes something much more complicated and thought-out to tap into this reservoir of endless attention that a man gives to his most cherished hobbies (women).

 

Well … to put it simply, you must learn the little-known ability of keeping a man constantly emotionally wound up.

 

So now the question is how do you do it?

 

 

How to Make Any Man Feel “Challenged”

(and Therefore Obsessed With You)

 

  1. Show you’re in demand.

 

Don’t lie, but don’t make obviously evident your dearth of date and outing options either.

 

Instead, make sure you refuse / reschedule his first few ideas for getting together. Or if your boyfriend / husband wants to see a movie this weekend? You can’t, you’re busy. Yes, maybe you’re “busy” cleaning out your closet or going to the mall … but he doesn’t have to know that. You’re just … busy. You have other options; that’s key.

 

  1. Be self-sufficient.

 

Women understand that men want to feel needed, but keep this in mind: you need to be choosy with how often you need him. Don’t need him for every little thing, or again, it will be too easy for him.

 

Ask him to reach a box that’s up high every once in a while, but then change your own tire and tell him the story a few days later. He’ll freak and wonder: “Wait a minute, how’d she do that herself? She’s comfortable without me …?”

 

  1. Have your own hobbies and interests.

 

You love him. Or at least you’re super into him. So naturally, you think loving everything that he does is a good idea.

 

Not so, darling. In fact, it’s more about having your own hobbies and interests. Again, he’ll be miffed (aka stressed) that you’re so interested in things that have nothing to do with him. This will stress him out … and he’ll feel challenged. See what we’re doing here?

 

  1. Use the right words.

 

Language is everything. In all of the above tips, you need to use the right language or they won’t work. For example, if you want to reschedule his invitation for a date so that you’re more of a challenge … you can’t just say “Heck no, I’ve got plans! Haha SORRY!”

 

Nuh-uh.

 

You need to say something like “Oh shoot, I’d love to, but I have friends from out-of-town coming in. Maybe next week?” It’s short, it reveals that you’re in demand, but it’s friendly too. It shows that you’re still interested in doing something later.

 

But what is the right language in other situations? Well, remember that the goal is to get him wound up. So, you’ll need some very special phrases. This can be hard. Lots of women have had easy and quick success using Love Commands. These are little, easy-to-remember phrases that you can use with any man, and they seriously work like a charm. Really, no thinking and worrying whether they’ll work or not on your part. Try them!

 

So if you do all of these things? You’ll start to notice some things …

 

When he’s around you, his breathing will get a bit faster … you might even see him start to sweat a bit … he’ll begin looking at you more … you’ll actually catch him staring …

 

And if you keep it up (remember, “the thrill of the chase!” … keep him on his toes!), if you keep it up … I guarantee he’ll be yours forever.

How Men Are Like Cats When It Comes to Commitment

Love Advice From a Cat!?

 

 

If you’ve ever owned a cat or had a friend with a cat, let me ask you a question:

Let’s say you were to see that cat in the corner of the living room—facing away from you.

Now let’s say that you slowly—as quietly as possible—snuck up on the little guy.

He doesn’t notice (bravo, you’re amazingly stealthy in this scenario!).

And without a peep … when you got juuust close enough to touch him … you reached out to scoop him up like a fumbled football.

 

Alright. In this scenario, how does the cat react when you do this?

 

Here are the correct answers:

 

  • It takes off running and leaves you a scratched, bloody mess.

 

Yeah … that’s the only answer …

 

So why do cats instinctively do this any time someone sneaks up on them?

 

Answer: Because they actually hate sneakiness, despite being amazingly sneaky themselves.

 

Naturally, this is a hypothetical experiment. And its purpose is to demonstrate 3 things.

 

  • First, let’s get this out of the way: Don’t do this to a cat. We don’t want you to get hurt!

 

  • Second, you shouldn’t do it because one of the most important things to know about cats is that they DO NOT like sneakiness that isn’t their own sneakiness.

 

  • And finally, men aren’t cats butin this very particular way, they are very much like them in that they have radar for sneakiness … and they hate it.

 

So Why Are We Saying This?

 

Because a lot of women don’t understand it.

A lot of women try to get their man to commit like trying to snatch up a cat, and the rate of success is just about the same.

Here, let’s mention that this is definitely not your fault. In fact, in almost all cases, it’s never the woman’s fault because understanding the uniqueness of the male mind is an extremely complicated affair.

Naturally, that’s why we’re here, and we’ll be discussing this in depth later. But first, let’s take this cat idea from a different perspective to explore how cats (and men) do like to be approached.

 

The Correct Cat (Man) Approach

 

Alright, this time, we’re not on the hunt. We’re not stalking. We’re approaching the cat in the corner of the living room from the front. He knows we’re there. We move slowly. He sees us coming. What happens then?

Well, for the most part, this is a successful approach. For cats and men. Cats, like men, are visual creatures. Cats prefer to see things coming.

So do men.

By approaching a cat from the front, we can get into his personal space without making him hate us (yay!). This approach is 100% honest. It’s all on the up-and-up.

Additionally, after you accomplish the task of getting close to the cat while it sees you, you can gently pet it. And for most cats (and men), this is what they want—to be petted, respected, and adored.

 

The Cat Principle Explained

 

Well, this goes without saying but, newsflash! Men are bigger than cats. Oh, and human!

 

But it’s the principle here that counts.

 

That is … at the first hint of a woman trying to be sneaky, a man will immediately find ways to make himself scarce.

Perhaps they won’t make a beeline for beneath the sofa … but mark my words: they’ll find a way to flee.

 

Men’s Paranoia and Learning to Be Genuine

 

So, are men really so scared of being “snuck up on”?

 

Yep. You may not know it, but lots of men today are paranoid about hidden motives in their partners. This is something that men discuss frequently among themselves, and they mull over it a lot.

 

That’s because men are obsessed with having a genuine woman—one who doesn’t tell lies, play tricks, or do the bait-and-switch.

 

You probably don’t realize this because (even though any self-respecting woman is also looking for a genuine man) women are less miffed if a man plays a cute trick to get her attention or nab a date with her.

 

Think of all the romantic comedies that are about a man pretending to be someone else, making a bet, or doing some other form of trickery that ends up with the two leads falling in love. Then, when the trick is revealed and the woman runs away in short-lived upset, the rest of the film is about him convincing her to forgive him …

 

… and she always does.

 

For men, however, they’re not so ready to forget sneakiness. In fact, if it happens in a relationship that’s only just blooming … he’s basically out of there as soon as he senses any artfulness on the part of the woman.

 

As a woman, you don’t want to give him a good reason to call you sneaky. Actually, you don’t want to give him a good reason to even be on-guard. It’s got to be genuineness and honesty the whole way.

 

Are You Being “Sneaky” Without Even Realizing It?

 

Because women are not as predisposed to be repulsed by sneakiness as men are … we often don’t understand what makes us seem sneaky.

 

You may be a completely genuine woman who has no ulterior motives … but from a male’s point-of-view, you might be doing something that appears sneaky. Here are a few examples:

 

  • Wearing lots of makeup. You just want to look nice. He thinks that you’re hiding something.

 

  • Giggling and cooing. You see it as your best girlish flirting. He sees it as over-the-top and wonders “but what is she really like?”

 

  • Dressing provocatively. You think: “Men like this sort of thing, and I want to impress him.” (And yes, we can all agree that they do like this). But he wonders if you’re just trying to “nab him” with your sexual prowess.

 

  • Appearing at a place that he frequents (bar, restaurant, gym). You see it as ensuring you stay in touch. He feels stalked (like a cat).

 

It’s exceptionally important to note that doing the things listed above isn’t bad. These are things that most women are wont to do in order to impress their date or partner. If you’ve ever worn a lot of makeup on a date or “accidentally” bumped into your man at his local grocery store around the time he gets out of work … you’re not alone.

 

But unfortunately, just like the cat who feels he’s being stalked … men hate this.

 

Because men  love their freedom.

 

Men’s Quest for Freedom

 

To a man, being free and being alive are one and the same. The threat of losing his freedom is even scarier to a man than cliff diving, public speaking, earthquakes, or romantic comedy movie marathons.

 

To put it simply: if you want to lose a man as quickly as possible, grab onto him as tightly as possible. He’ll slip out of your grasp like an eel and put an ocean of distance between the two of you in one fluid motion.

 

To a man, the thought of getting locked down to the wrong woman is the same thing as being house-bound—never able to leave. They want their freedom.

 

And a woman who is sneaky is a red flag.

 

What does this mean for you?

 

  • It means that you cannot use stealth or sneakiness to make sure that your man falls head over heals in love with you.

 

  • It means that he’ll instinctively sense when you’re not being genuine … and

 

  • It means that the old tricks won’t work.

 

Fortunately, there are approaches that do work.

 

Here, you might be saying: “What approaches!? I thought you just said we can’t use tricks?

 

That’s true. But these aren’t tricks.

 

I call them approaches because they are … tactics, if you will, that allow you to engage men so tightly they’ll never want to let you go while at the same time, allowing you to be completely your own genuine self.

 

The Genuine Way to a Man’s Heart (No Sneakiness Involved)

 

  • Nail your look. This is tough, but you’ve got to marry sexy, girlish, and elegant. Good rule of thumb: Pick one makeup/hair accent and one “sexy accent.” For example, wear red lips, but tone down the eye makeup or vice versa. Same for clothes: Show a little leg … or show a little cleavage. Not both.

 

  • Defy him. Your first instinct is to have him think that you like, love, hate … all the same things as him. This is entirely wrong. If he starts going on about this amazing movie you don’t like, tell him you’re not a fan. Trust me, he’ll take notice. He wants you to be Not his mini-me.

 

  • Turn your mind off. Huh? You read it right: stop thinking about what to say next, how your hair looks, whether he’s looking at another woman or if he’s having a good time. Just hang out like you would with your best friend.

 

  • Use subtle commands that are genuine, deep-down expressions of how you feel. For women in the know, we call these “Love Commands”, which you can learn more about here. In short, a “Love Command” is a psychological message that helps men to feel close to you. These aren’t made-up quotes that are some form of trickery. Remember, that’s not what you want (think of the cat).

 

These are quotes that tell any man how you truly feel, and there are certain moments when you should use them for the greatest effect. It’s all in the link if you’re interested.

 

As a result of using these techniques, you’ll see a huge change in the way men react to you. It’s kind of frightening, because it’s immediate! I was sort of freaked out at first (but of course it’s an amazing skillset to possess).

 

If you’ve been struggling with men seeming to be all-in for you one moment … and halfway down the street the next … know that you’re not alone, girl! It’s happened to us all. But do consider trying these techniques and see how they work for you. I think you’ll really be happy with how the tides change in your favor.

 

Oh, and don’t forget those love quotes; I love those, and they’re essential (they’re actually what made my man finally seal the deal—yes, a ring! —so I credit them with my happiness!)

 

Good luck!