This is THE Most Important Thing That Will Make or Break any Relationship

make-or-break-relationship

 

If you are a mature adult who is either in a long-term relationship right now or thinking about committing to a new relationship you should want it to work. Right?

 

One could even say that you should want it to work all the way to the altar. That is, this partner of yours right now should be a person you’d be prepared to spend the rest of your life with. Right?

 

If this is true, there’s something very important that you need to consider—something that far too many couples never consider.

 

It’s the ONE THING that can make or break any relationship.

 

Your core values.

 

In other words, you two might have all sorts of things in common:

 

  • You like the same music, TV, movies, books
  • You grew up in the same town
  • You work in the same field
  • You went to the same college
  • You have mutual friends
  • You “look like a good match”
  • You both have the same hobbies
  • You both come from similar backgrounds
  • You both like sex
  • You have great chemistry

 

But! You’re actually not compatible.

 

That’s because these things are not values.

 

These are common interests and hobbies, and they truly have nothing to do with how compatible you two are when we’re talking about the possibility of a long-term, lasting relationship.

 

Instead of looking to commonalities and shared interests, you need to find out if your core values align.

 

What Are “Core Values” and Why Are They So Important?

 

Core values are things like family, religion, and politics. Unlike “sharing a favorite beer” or “both liking football,” core values represent what each of you feel deep down about how you want your life to play out.

 

Oftentimes, couples (even married couples who have been together for years) never discuss these values. And because of this, breakups and divorces happen that are very disruptive and sad, but totally understandable because of diverging core values.

 

When you think about it, of course a couple with two completely different religions is going to have trouble down the line. Where will you get married? What holidays will you celebrate? How will your children be raised? What will you do on worship days?

 

Similarly, a couple that includes one person who definitely wants children and another who never wants children simply can’t work properly unless someone gives in. Maybe the sex is great. Maybe you adore your long conversations and each other’s company.

 

But how are you going to live your life? Kids? No kids? You’ve got to work it out.

 

5 Core Values to Consider in Your Relationship

 

  1. Marriage and Family

 

Do you want to get married or have a civil union? Kids? If so, how many? How important is family time? How will your children be raised? What if one of your parents or close relatives needs to move in with you for health reasons?

 

This is number one for a reason. The values you have around family life will structure your existence, and you two need to be on the same page.

 

  1. Faith and Spiritualty

 

This one can be big or small. It depends on how devoted you are and whether your faiths are actually that different. For example, a faithful Jew and a faithful Muslim will have some serious conflicts in a relationship. But a semi-faithful Protestant and their Catholic-raised but no longer faithful partner might be able to work things out more easily.

 

  1. Political Views

 

Are you a republican or a democrat? What candidates do you support? How do you view certain social issues? Depending on how fervent you are, you may be in the clear even if your views aren’t exactly the same. But often, when one partner supports something that the other partner finds abominable, it creates a rift between the couple that is alienating and can be irreparable.

 

  1. Money

 

Money disagreements have caused far too many relationships to end.

 

First off, who makes the money, and once it’s made, who spends it? What is it spent on? Do you splurge when you want to, or save, save, save all the time? These are all questions you need to discuss.

 

  1. Health and Fitness

 

This is at the bottom because it may not be a big problem for some people. But health problems have been known to cause some breakups and divorces.

 

This is because a health problem in one partner usually requires the other partner to do much more in the relationship. Naturally, this doesn’t always go over so well—especially when the health problem is self-inflicted (ie. One of you is refusing to follow doctor’s orders or lose weight or stop smoking).

 

It’s best when both individuals are on the same page as far as taking care of their health and steering clear of addiction.

 

Can People with Opposing Views and Values Ever Make It Work?

 

Ok, now onto this more complicated question: Must you share all core values in order for your relationship to work?

 

The short answer is: No.

 

The long answer is: Not always, but your relationship is going to be a lot harder if you don’t share these values, and you may be at a higher risk for breaking up or getting a divorce.

 

In other words, not sharing the values listed above can really get in the way of you two making the best of your relationship. But, if you do share a passion and dedication to each other, anything can potentially work.

 

You might relate it to a house that is built on a faulty foundation. To make sure the house is strong and stable and a happy dwelling, more work will be required. But that doesn’t mean that the house deserves to be scrapped completely in all cases.

 

Couples all over the world have managed to create Happily Ever After stories despite partners being from opposing corners of religion, politics, money, etc.

 

In the end, it’s just important that you take the time to consider these values in your relationship.

 

And consider them soon. Don’t wait. Don’t commit to the next stage of your relationship and then decide to consider values.

 

Often times, if you realize soon enough that despite a strong chemistry or common interests, you’re really not compatible where your core values are concerned, you can exit the relationship soon enough so that no real damage is done.

 

Also, don’t assume your partner or you will change. You probably won’t.

 

Building a house on a faulty foundation is possible … but wouldn’t you rather have a strong house with a strong foundation to build your life upon?

 

It all comes down to core values.

The One Thing You Need to Learn to Stop Getting Hurt By Men Forever

A Completely Different Way to Approach Your Love Life

by Evan Marc Katz

 

I’ve got a few questions for you about your love life that will show you a completely different way to approach your love life. Ready? Go.

 

Q: How many times in your life have you been in love?
A: Two? Three? Four?

Q: How many of those relationships lasted?
A: If you’re single, the answer is zero.

Q: What percent of men is cute, successful, smart, kind, funny, compatible AND emotionally available for a long-term relationship?
A: According to most women, about .00001%.

Q: What percent of those amazing men also think YOU’RE cute, smart, kind, funny, compatible and emotionally available for a relationship?
A: Not enough, and rarely the right ones.

 

When you look at all of these things together, without any emotion, you’ll see exactly what I see: the fact that ANY relationship gets off the ground is remarkable.

 

To the naked eye, FAILURE is the default setting in dating.

You heard me. Failure.

Now, to be clear: I’ve failed a LOT more than you have.

I’ve gone on over 300 dates and committed to probably fifteen “girlfriends” before getting married. Which is why I’m not too fazed by failure.

You shouldn’t be, either.

Given that 99% of men are definitely NOT your future husband, getting upset when this proves to be true is like getting upset that you didn’t win the lottery. Yeah, it’s unfortunate that you lost, but it’s also quite predictable.

Which is why I want you to write this down right now:
“No man is real until he’s your boyfriend.”

 

A cute photo, a winning profile, flirty emails, an incredible first date, intense chemistry, mind-blowing sex…. NONE of these things mean he’s your boyfriend.

It’s not that you’re “wrong” to get excited about a promising man; it’s that, in 99% of instances, it’s premature and you set yourself up for heartbreak.

Your takeaway is to not get too emotionally involved when it comes to a guy with “potential”.

Start getting excited when he’s taken his profile down, called you his girlfriend, met your family, and started making vacation plans for the summer.

The other bit of perspective I’d like to provide is that your last guy’s disappearance shouldn’t be all that disappointing.

Sure, you felt disappointment. It’s hard not to take things like that personally.

Except for two facts:

1. This wasn’t personal
2. You didn’t lose your future husband, so why be disappointed?

Although your guy may have initially pushed for immediate commitment, he ended up having second thoughts. Reasonable second thoughts, I might add.

 

It may not be popular to say, but if you were seeing a guy, and you drew the conclusion that you didn’t want to spend the next 40 years with him, you’d probably have to reconsider whether you were ready to commit.
Your last boyfriend’s flaking doesn’t mean he’s evil.

It means he leapt before he looked.
He shot first and asked questions later.
He overpromised and underdelivered.

In short, he screwed up and ended up hurting an innocent woman.

No one is at fault.

And if no one is at fault, there’s no value in beating yourself up about what he did “wrong”. The answer is nothing.

 

There’s no value in getting pissed at your disappearing guy. He’s like a man who was driving 90 mph on the freeway and missed his exit. He was so enthusiastic that he was oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t really ready to commit to you.

Finally, there’s no value in lamenting what “could have been”.  It’s over. Move along.

The right guy will come along soon enough – and he will certainly not disappear.

But the only way for this to happen is for you to let go of your negativity, to let go of your fear of getting hurt, to let go of your frustration at the men who don’t write to you online, and to embrace the unknown of the dating process.

Put another way: if you quit dating and men entirely, you don’t meet ANYBODY.

If you persevere, another cute guy might waltz in your door next week – and never want to leave.

“Never, never, never quit,” said Winston Churchill, and he’s 100% right.
The only thing you can do when things go wrong in love is to keep going.
And if you need a push in the right direction, I would highly recommend checking out my eBook, “Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”.

In a matter of minutes, you’ll be able to let go of all of the pain in your past, learn how to choose a better boyfriend in the future, and understand what men are thinking for the rest of your life.

Click below to learn more!

“Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”

 

Are Men More Romantic Than Women?

Are Men More Romantic Than Women?

by Michael Fiore

are men more romantic than women

Guys often get a bad rap as unromantic sloths who would rather drink beer and watch football than give a woman the attention she deserves… but research suggests that this isn’t the case.

 

Dr Terri Orbuch, a professor and relationship therapist, recently wrote in the Huffington Post that men are actually MORE romantic (sometimes MUCH more romantic) than women.

 

Surprised? I’m not. Get them talking when they think no one else can hear and most guys will admit to being romantic at heart, but a lot of guys end up being misunderstood because we don’t always know the most appropriate times or ways to express our romantic side and don’t always have the communication skills to let a woman know what we’re really driving at (and it’s more than just a roll in the hay.) …

 

Added to that, women have increasingly more on their plate these days trying to get the right work-family life balance, it’s not really surprising that romance isn’t always top of their list.

 

In my opinion, romance is a vital part of a healthy relationship. We need to renew our connection with our partner, and what better way than with intimacy?

 

But how do you relight the passion you once felt for one another when there is so much going on in your lives? How do you find the time?

 

One of the most powerful and effective ways I have found is with texting. Cellphones can create immediate, intimate connections with your partner. As long as you say the right thing, of course!

 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you guessing the right things. I’ve put together some text training so you can start texting the romance back tonight by clicking HERE!

 

Best,

Mike

Source: Digital Romance

 

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