Why Men Ignore Your Text Messages

The 10 Second Text That Will Make Him Smile For Hours

In my work as a relationship coach, one of the most common questions I get is “Why doesn’t he text me back?”

I’ve found that the women who ask this question are always making one of these four mistakes.

That’s right. There are four reasons why men ignore your texts. They have to do with why you’re texting, what you’re saying, and when you’re saying it. You need to stop doing these things immediately if you want men to text you back.

Plus, I’m going to share with you a foolproof way to get him to text you first.

  1. Boring texts

If you’re texting him “Hey, what’s up?” you’re not going to get a response. You need to give him something to respond to.

Before you send a text, ask yourself, “If he sent me this, how would I respond?” If you don’t know what to say back, chances are that he won’t either.

If he has to think about his reply, he’ll get distracted and forget all about your message. Pretty soon, when he sees a message from you he won’t even want to bother.

Make it easy for him. Think about what you know about him and make sure your texts are relevant to his interests and personality so he knows what to say. When in doubt, memes and jokes almost always get a response.

  1. Not asking questions

More often than not, when a guy stops responding it’s because he thought the conversation was over. And if he’s asking you questions and you’re not asking questions back, he probably thinks you don’t even want to talk to him!

This is why the best way to get a response is to ask a direct question. Something that he can’t answer with one word.

It’s easy to get fixated on making the perfect response to a text but asking the right questions is even more important. Every man wants a woman who is interested in what he thinks and feels.

  1. “I miss you”

This is a big mistake I see again and again. Texting is supposed to be a conversation. Keep it light, fun, and funny. This means no guilt trips!

I know that’s not what you’re trying to do but it’s difficult to read tone in a text message. If you text him “I miss you” or even a playful “hey stranger”, he may take it the wrong way.

He’s not going to want to text you (or date you) if you make him feel bad, even if that’s not your intention. Texting should give, not take.

  1. Always texting first

Texting is a part of courtship. He needs to feel like he has to chase you a little bit or he won’t be interested.

That’s why less is more. Don’t text him unless you have something to say or a question. I often recommend only texting to make plans.

Talking in person is always going to be easier and more natural. Plus, if you’re someone who agonizes over texting then focusing on the face-to-face is a much better way to go. The less you reach out via text, the quicker he’ll be to try to make plans.

You also shouldn’t always be texting him first. Let him send the first message.

You’re probably asking, “how do I make him text first?”

This can be tricky. That’s why I’ve put together a free video presentation that will show you how, when, and what to text him to have him chasing after you.

The Stupidly Simple "Attention-Pulling"  Text Message That All Men Are Powerless To Resist

My method is super easy and it works on any guy. Plus, he won’t even know you’re doing it! He’ll just feel an uncontrollable urge to text you, call you, and chase after you.

And the women that guys want to text are the ones they want to date. So click here to watch my free video and up your texting game!

The Art of Modern Communication

The Art of Modern Communication

by Erin Roca

Facebook, SnapChat, Twitter, Instagram. It’s no secret that if we allow it, we’re constantly bombarded with notifications, tags, and newsfeeds. Our entire social world is now at our fingertips. I’m not here to admonish the direction in which we’re going and I’m not even here to tell you how to manage it or do a social media cleanse. That’s all up to you.

 

What I would like to talk to you about is how you can mindfully interact with the people you care about despite these platforms that seem to encourage mindless chatter.

 

In an age where much of our intimate communication happens via text and the written word, it is essential to be forthright and courageous in our typed and texted interactions.

 

As conscious humans, we don’t want to hide behind a smiley face or a one-word reply. We must dare to be transparent and generous with our truest, innermost desires. We must dare to shine a light inside our mind for just a moment and reveal that which makes us fully human.

 

It’s childish to play games. It takes courage to speak honestly.

It’s manipulative to coerce someone into getting your way. It’s mature to give them the freedom to be themselves.

It requires no effort to continue unhealthy habits and patterns. It takes diligence to release old patterns and begin new ones.

 

In this age of instant gratification, wait patiently for a reply. Just because we bared our soul in a 4 paragraph text message, doesn’t require a response or an acknowledgment on other person’s part. It does require us, the writer, to release our words to the other person for them to mull over and receive in whatever capacity is true for them. While we are so busy living out our own truth, we cannot deny that same right to those that we love.

 

It matters not if you are single, in a long-term relationship, in an open relationship, are poly-amorous, or are just plain confused: open communication is a necessity. What this looks like may vary, but the need for it does not.

 

Communicating effectively in all intimate relationships is important because conversation and sharing thoughts is a big part of said intimacy. This doesn’t mean sharing every detail of our day or laying out the contents of our brain for the other person to examine. It means treating each relationship and each person with the dignity and respect that they deserve, which usually means different things for different dynamics.

 

While there are endless variables, there are two general key thoughts to remember when deciding whether or not to share something with a partner, potential partner, or friend:

  1. Articulating and defining our own personal truth and speaking it when appropriate.
  2. Allowing the other person the space to be themselves and live their truth.

 

These are not mutually exclusive, but they are also not inclusive either. Just because we want to share some detail with someone doesn’t require them to receive it and respond. No one owes us a response. This is true love. The obligations of conventional relationships are a thing of the past. All they create are games, drama, miscommunication, and an exhausting commitment. This is of course pertaining to texting and written communications, not face-to-face conversation.

 

These two points include one singular, valuable practice: solitude. Defining our own personal truth – what we think, our morals and philosophies – requires time alone. As Olivia Wilde said, “…it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” In this space, we have the freedom to explore our own needs and wants, and to fulfill them on our own. When waiting for a reply, we again are left in solitude. We can either spend this time agonizing over the impending response, or we can continue on our personal quest for knowledge and truth in our books, our minds, our journals, our personal practices, or whatever it is that keeps us living.

 

We can be kind and loving while not responding to someone. We can be kind and loving when we feel hurt by a text or a lack of response. What the other person is doing or thinking is not a reflection of our true selves. These texts cannot define our worth or our love.

 

In modern dating and even within established relationships, there seems to be some unwritten (or in some cases, written *cough Buzzfeed cough*) rules about texting. Don’t text back too quickly. Don’t double text. Don’t come across desperate or too eager.

 

Where is the love, compassion, and honesty in these games? If the goal of these relationships is to love genuinely and feel love in return, why are we playing games and wearing these texts and rules as armor to guard our fragile hearts?

 

I say, throw out these rules! If we love someone, let’s tell them! At the same time, be kind and respectful of their true feelings too. If we want to see them, say so! If we miss them, they hurt us, they’re bombarding us, let’s put aside conventions and get real and honest and genuine. We can be truthful and loving at the same time. We can treat each relationship with the respect it deserves.

 

What we cannot do is have a one-size-fits all definition of how loving communication works or what it looks like. Different humans have different needs. This is not limited to romantic or sexual relationships. A friend or partner may need lots of texting attention. You may need it. It’s okay to communicate this need or desire to those you love. It’s not okay to force them to comply.

 

In previous forms of communication between lovers, hand-written letters were exchanged in between each rendezvous.  There was none of the instant gratification of an immediate response to soul-baring display. There was none of the reliability of the internet or 4G. There was no social media stalking. There were only words on a page and hours or days in between. Respect that you may get a response at any time between 2.5 milliseconds or a fortnight. Or maybe none at all. Treat each form of communication as if you were sending out a love letter with a man on horseback and can’t begin to guess when a response might come.

 

There’s a perception that we can do something to be worthy of someone else’s affection and attention or that if it’s not there, then f*ck it, I’ll find somewhere I do feel worthy.

 

Well, that sense of worthiness, deep-seated knowledge and wisdom, true worthiness doesn’t come from another person’s validation and attention. It comes from the core of our being.

 

Another thing worth noting is mindfulness and remaining in the present moment. Often, in a texting, messaging, or emailing conversation, we’re anticipating where the conversation will go, or wondering whether or not to say something. These things take us out of the present moment and into the future we’re trying to plan, the expectations we’re creating, and/or back into the past wondering if there’s something different we could have done or said.

 

Remember, it’s tough to change ourselves and our own attitudes, but it’s impossible to change other people. Develop and cultivate a relationship with yourself and watch your other relationships thrive!

Happy texting!

 

 

Erin Roca is a writer, yoga teacher, tarot reader, and Reiki Master. She is a sex-positive mother of two wonderful and sometimes maniacal children. Her upcoming book on profanity is due to be published in 2017. You can connect with her on Facebook, her blog and at Mystics on the Mat.

 

Textual Healing: 3 Ways To Vastly Improve Your Relationship Through Texting

Textual Healing:

3 Ways To Vastly Improve Your Relationship Through Texting

by Gia L., B.A., M.A (Sociology)

textual healing

 

I’ll admit it.  I’m not a huge fan of texting.  Does this put me in some sort of modern day dog house? I shudder at the thought of being judged by a tween with the text typing speed of 500 words per minute (have you ever seen them type?…wow!) but that still won’t make me like texting any more. However, despite my aversion to it, I do love texting my boyfriend.  Maybe I’m not in the dog house permanently after all.  Hmmm.

I’ve been reading a lot of research on text messaging in relationships lately and have come across some very interesting information that may come as a bit of a surprise to some.  I know that some of it, I did not expect.  What I do know is that texting has definitely brought an added element that has very much bonded me and my boyfriend in our relationship, and I wanted to know why the experts thought that was so.

What I found was that the relationships big wigs agree that texting is a sort of modern day love letter writing.  All agree that texting can intensely strengthen bonds and enhance romance in a love relationship, but they can also be harmful if used in the wrong way.

In the spirit of keeping it simple, I have compiled a list of the 3 greatest takeaways that I found in doing my research on the effects of text messaging on relationships.
 

1. Keep it positive

You wouldn’t use a Post-it to break up with someone, would you? I’m sure that anyone who has an ounce of maturity in them knows that some things in relationships require face to face contact.  Break-ups are one of them.  Same goes for serious conversations and arguments.  Text messages are not the place to carry on these kinds of conversations.

In a study done by researchers at Brigham Young University, both men and women said that when they received texts expressing affection, it enhanced their relationship.  So, if people text to express affection, they help increase attachment, which in turn improves relationship stability and satisfaction.

However, they also concluded that a text which is argumentative or hurtful was bound to have a negative impact on the recipient. For example, women reported that when texts were used to offer apologies, make decisions or resolve differences, it reflected less attachment, stability and happiness in the relationship.

Key Takeway: Do your arguing in person where there is less of a chance of misinterpretation.  Use texts, even short ones, to express your affection and love for your partner to strengthen your bond.

 

2. Men and Women Use Texting Differently

I remember having a conversation with a male friend a while back in which he was singing the praises of text messaging.   I looked at him kind of perplexed until he explained to me that it saved him from having long, drawn out phone conversations that he would rather have had in person.  Then he looked at me kind of perplexed and said, “Don’t you know that men HATE talking on the phone?” Okay, I got it.  I’m not big on the phone either so I understood.

Michael Fiore, relationship expert and author of “Text the Romance Back” and “Text Your Ex Back” explains:  “The fact of the matter is most men are absolutely ADDICTED to their cell phones. (If youʼve ever tried to have a serious conversation at the dinner table while your man is surfing the web on his phone, you already know this.)  Texting lets you do a little bit of ‘relationship judo’ and get him to communicate with you without ever coming across as nagging or unreasonable at all.”  That sounds like a win-win to me!

Okay, so now that we know that both parties are probably quite receptive to communicating via text, one very important distinction to keep in mind is that men and women differ in the style and frequency with which they like to send and receive texts.

Fiore points out that men respond more to visual stimuli and are not as emotionally complex as women.  Men are also a lot more blunt in their communication. That’s why it shouldn’t be surprising when men operate in one or two word texts, as frustrating as it may feel to you.

Another difference to keep in mind is that the level of happiness that men and women report varies according to how often they send and receive texts. For men,  too frequent texting was associated with lower relationship quality.  Alternatively, the more that women text in their relationships, the happier they tend to be. (Source: Psychology Today)

Key Takeaway: First of all, don’t take everything personally.  Just because you wrote your sweetie a 5 page text and they responded with a “Yeah.” or “Okay.”, it doesn’t mean you should start questioning the state of your relationship.  Try to keep things in perspective by considering how they usually respond, and understand that they may not use texts in exactly the same way you do.

And yes, that also means that if you text them 10 times a day and they only respond twice, it might be time to think about boundaries with your texting.   A large part of what brings happiness in relationships is in how well we put forth efforts to foster communication and understanding.  Try your best to be in tune with your partner’s personal style and to respect it, even if it’s not how you function.  When your styles are different, the middle ground is where respect and happiness live.
 

3. If you’re not sure, ask.

How many times have you written something on your Facebook page and somebody got their knickers in a knot because they entirely twisted your comment into something that it wasn’t?  I’ll bet it’s happened more than once.  Perhaps they’re just a hyper-sensitive person, but it’s important to remember that thoughts expressed in text format can easily be misinterpreted because when reading text, we lack non-verbal language cues from the other person in order to help us understand their tone.  Makes sense then that we can easily misinterpret what the other person means if we don’t have that important information to go on, right?

Now magnify that by a whole lot when throwing romantic feelings for a love partner in the mix.  It sounds like a perfect storm for a HUGE misunderstanding, doesn’t it?   Well, it definitely can be.

So how can we avoid misunderstandings? We politely and non-aggressively ask for clarity.  Further, when the subject that you and your partner are texting about is important or could possibly take a negative turn, it might be a good idea to move to a verbal conversation, preferably in person.

Key Takeaway:  If you’re not sure what your partner’s meaning or intention is with the text they have sent you, it’s best to take a minute to breathe, relax, and not overreact or overanalyze before you text back.  If you’re texting about a subject that is important and/or could cause a major rift between you, stop texting and start talking.

Texting has solidified itself as a major communication tool between couples in today’s relationships.  Whereas in the past, lovers used to put pen to paper to express their feelings to their beloved, we now text our emotions in this digital world. There is no doubt that the benefits of texting far outweigh the negatives as long as it’s used properly in the relationship as an enhancement tool.  In fact, when done right, texting can bring couples a greater sense of togetherness and connectedness than ever before. 

By the way, I referenced Michael Fiore above because he is a texting PRO who has written guides on how to use tiny little text messages to bring the spark and electricity back into your relationship.  He’s a true superstar expert on this subject and has been invited by countless media outlets to talk about his Text The Romance Back program, including The Rachael Ray Show.  A LOT of people in the LSI community have picked these programs up and truly LOVE them.  If you’re interested in checking out his awesome programs to make them work for you, just follow the links below:

Text The Romance Back

Text Your Ex Back

Sending love!

Gia xoxo