So He Still Talks to His Ex? Here’s How to Handle It

Sure. It’s pretty hard to get into a new romance these days without tugging along a few things from the past. When you hit a certain age, you naturally have a romantic history. It may be pretty boring with only one, super long relationship that just sort of petered out, or you may have left a trail of broken hearts behind you.

 

talks to his ex

 

But there’s one problem that almost every relationship has in some degree: Exes.

 

In an ideal world, your current partner was the “breaker-upper,” he’s so over her, and he hates even the thought of talking to her again.

 

In the real world, though, things aren’t always so perfect. And one of the worst scenarios is when your guy is still talking to his ex.

 

How do you react when you’re in love with a man who is still talking to someone he used to be in love with?

 

It’s a unique woman who can just accept this and move on. More than likely, you feel hurt, betrayed and jealous. But should you? Do you have a right to say something?

 

Well, maybe and maybe not.

 

To help you know some good boundaries to lay down where ex-communication is concerned, here are some red flags to make sure and look for.

 

Signs You Should Be Worried About Their “Communication”

 

Read through these red flags and keep track of the times you answer “YES” to the questions. The more “YES’s” you have, the more likely it is that his relationship with her could be troublesome for the two of you.

 

  1. Do you think they talk every day either via text, social media, or phone?

 

  1. Do you know they talk somehow but not from him? In other words, is he not the one telling you about their communication?

 

  1. If you ask him about their communication (and you know they do indeed talk), does he lie and say no?

 

  1. Do they still occasionally see each other?

 

  1. Do they see each other one on one?

 

  1. Does she see consider him a close friend?

 

  1. Does he consider her a close friend?

 

  1. Do you think he would jump up and run out the door if she called him with a flat tire?

 

  1. Did she break up with him?

 

  1. Do they still share something close together, like children, mutual friends, or a career?

 

  1. Does he seem to constantly bring her up in conversation (be it good or bad)?

 

  1. Does he also keep things of hers around, like photos or items she used to own?

 

  1. Do you know she’s still not over him?

 

How to Approach the Subject With Him

 

If you did not answer “YES” to very many of the questions above, relax. Maybe he still talks to her, but he’s still your man.

 

But if you found yourself saying “Yes, Yes, Yes” to these inquiries, you might want to confront your guy about this.

Here’s how to do it:

 

  1. Approach the subject calmly (that is, not in a jealous rage). If you decide this is a problem for you, you should set aside time to discuss it with him.

 

  1. Get more information. Even if you’re pretty sure they text all the time and you’ve convinced yourself he’s in love with her and you’re so enraged … ask him about it.

 

Be calm and respectful, and say something like: “I have to admit, it makes me a little jealous because I love you so much. Do you two talk often? I want you to be honest.”

 

  1. Don’t let him make you feel guilty.

 

This is not an outrageous thing to be jealous about—it’s his ex after all! – so if he starts to make you feel guilty about inquiring into his communications with her, don’t take the bait!

 

Ideally, you aren’t speaking with your exes on the side, and you can bring that up here; for example: “I wouldn’t disrespect you like that. He’s not my partner anymore, you are, so he’s out of the picture. I wish you’d give me that respect as well.

 

  1. Finally, listen and believe him. If you truly love this man and have reason to believe what he says, do it. Trust is an extremely important thing in every long term relationship, and if you ask him point blank what’s going on, then disbelieve what he says in response, your betraying that trust.

 

In the end, it comes down to what you want to handle in the relationship. If this guy’s the great man you believe him to be and you have a solid relationship, you’ll both realize you have to compromise. This may mean that you end up realizing you need to relax a little bit, and he may end up realizing that talking to his ex all the time isn’t the best idea for you two.

 

Whatever you decide, make sure you work it out together as a team. Because your relationship should always come first.

Should I Be Jealous Of His Ex?

Should I Be Jealous Of His Ex?

by Claire Casey

Should I Be Jealous Of His Ex

Every time you see her it makes you sick at your stomach. You’d like to get your hands around her scrawny little neck and… Wait. She doesn’t have him any more; you do. So why do you still feel like a can of hairspray in a campfire every time you think of her?

Jealousy can be like a bottle of Diet Coke and Mentos with a splash of strychnine; explosive and deadly all at the same time. You don’t feel in control of it; even YOU are shocked every time you look down and see a bubbling rage cocktail in your hand. Don’t you wish you could stop your feelings from being yanked around this way?

Guess what? You can.

Do an honest evaluation of your current relationship.

Your jealousy radar goes off because it’s telling you that there’s something wrong; your job is to figure out where the “wrong” is coming from so that you can make a decision about how to fix it. Sometimes the issue is with him; sometimes it’s with you.

Take an honest look at your fears and suspicions. Is there secretive behavior going on that makes you think he may still be with her even though he said he was exclusively committed to you? Has he recently been through some dramatic behavior changes (ie, losing weight, discovering new tastes and preferences, fresh appearance) that you can’t find an explanation for? Has there been a radical change in your sexual relationship? If so, you may need to consider whether he’s cheating with his ex. In that case, say “thank you” to your jealousy radar and start dealing directly with the bigger issue.

Alternatively, are you consistently one of his top priorities? Does he build you up, value your opinion, and want what’s best for you? Does he keep his promises? Do you feel awesome when you’re with him? If so, it’s definitely worth taking the time to figure out how to get this jealous monkey off your back. Keep reading…

Tell him how it makes you feel (and remind him of what he has in you).

Frequently you experience jealousy because he mentions her in conversations, even though he’s promised you that it’s over between them. This usually just requires a non-dramatic conversation.

Start by telling him how important he is to you, and how much you value your relationship. Then explain that it’s also a bit painful to hear about his ex every time the two of you are together. Tell him you understand how that relationship blew up in his face, and that he’s still trying to deal with the fallout, but that it’s more important than ever to let the past be the past, because he has an amazing, sexy, and brilliant woman sitting right in his lap (heh heh) and you hope he will pay full attention to you.

That works pretty well. 🙂

 

Reduce your self-doubt

MOST jealousy is about self-doubt, so the very best way to defeat it is to work on your own self-esteem; you gotta really start to love and value yourself. Your man has an incredible catch in you! It’s a wonder you were willing to stop dating all those other boys so that just one man could enjoy all that you have to offer…

Don’t compare yourself to her; cultivate a sense of your own worth and beauty. Focus on your own accomplishments and uniqueness. Follow your passions and take care of yourself. The more you love and are secure in yourself, the easier it will be for you to identify and let him know when he’s out of line.

 

Set boundaries

Every woman is different. How much contact (texting, calling, working with, etc.) with an ex is too much? If you’re recovering from an affair, you may want a “no contact” rule. But if you’re simply dealing with the women he dated before he found you, you may want to be more flexible. If you can find a very specific contact-related guideline that would help calm your feelings of jealousy, communicate that with him! He may not even be aware that simply pulling her out of his Google + circles would make you feel better.

 

Give him time to win your trust

Take into consideration how long the two of you have been together, because you do need enough time with your man in order to start to feel safe and trust him. And what HE does has an impact on that, of course! Let him work to win your trust, and give him time to do it.

 

Do you ever feel suspicious that the man in your life is lying or cheating? Do you wish you knew what he was thinking? Visit WhyHeLies to find out why men lie and how to read the signals he gives.

 

Sending love and my very best to you,

Claire

 

Claire is the author of the amazing best-selling online program “Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever.”

She blogs at Ask Claire Casey and devotes her writing to helping you attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect your heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is. You can take Claire’s Love Number Quiz (it’s free) and make this YOUR year for love! 

Source: Digital Romance, Inc.