5 Reasons Why Men Pull Away

5 Reasons Why Men Pull Away

by Gia L., B.A., M.A (Sociology)

It’s beyond puzzling, isn’t it? He seems enamoured by you. He can’t get enough of you.   He sends the sweetest, most flattering texts every day and he expresses that he’s dying to see you and spend time with you.  Then, in a flash, he seems to become totally distant.  What is going on?

It can be hard to tell but here are 5 explanations that could account for why he’s making himself scarce.

1. You had sex with him too quickly.

 

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You’ve gone on a couple of dates with the most fantastic man and everything is going incredibly well. You’re clicking and the sexual energy between you is palpable. It just feels right. All signs say GO so you decide to sleep with him. Right after you do, he disappears and you’re left wondering what the heck happened!

You may have slept with him too soon.

Despite the fact that most men understand that we live in a 21st century reality where women have every right to do what they want with their own bodies, there are still men who feel that women who sleep with someone too soon are not relationship material. Is it wrong? Yes. Is it hypocritical? Definitely. But the double standard has not entirely disappeared with the times.

Does this mean that you should allow what he may think of you to dictate how you express yourself sexually? Hell no! In fact, many relationship experts agree that when a man truly likes you and he is ready and looking for a relationship (not just falsely lulling you into thinking that he likes you but in reality is just looking for sex), sleeping with him soon after you meet him will NOT deter him from further dating you and pursuing a relationship.

Just be aware that the double standard is still there with some men and may explain his distant behavior.

 

2. You are at different places emotionally in your relationship.

 

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Maybe you’re ready for a serious relationship and he’s still on the merry-go-round of life. What’s more, he doesn’t particularly seem to want to jump off.

Or perhaps you really like who he is and feel yourself becoming emotionally attached to him but his actions tell you he’s not ready to go there.

It’s also possible that he is unsure of or afraid of his own feelings. If he doesn’t have the relationship skills that you have, forming a closer bond with you can feel extra threatening to him, making him want to put some space between the two of you.

Whatever the case, if he either isn’t as emotionally invested in the relationship as you are, or he is but just doesn’t know what to do with his feelings for you, he may find it best, and perhaps kinder, to step away from you altogether while he tries to figure it all out.

When one partner wants (much) more from the relationship than the other does, it creates an imbalance that can feel overwhelming to the partner who is not ready to swim into deeper waters. On the flip side of the coin, it’s incredibly confusing for the partner who thought everything was going great, and all of a sudden is left wondering what they may have done wrong to cause their partner’s change in behavior.

This is a case of a true, honest to goodness, “It’s not you, it’s me.” You can be the most perfect partner in his eyes but if he is not ready to commit to you or his feelings, it’s he who is trying to work through his issues. It really does have nothing to do with you.

“How could he possibly turn his back on this amazing connection we have,” you ask? Well, he can, and he very well might if he’s not emotionally ready.

Yes, that hurts. But guess what? YOU have emotional needs and desires as well and if he’s not prepared to become an equal emotional partner to you, ask yourself if this is really okay with you. Don’t you deserve to give the best parts of yourself to someone who is ready to accept them and cultivate a loving relationship with you?

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Textual Healing: 3 Ways To Vastly Improve Your Relationship Through Texting

Textual Healing:

3 Ways To Vastly Improve Your Relationship Through Texting

by Gia L., B.A., M.A (Sociology)

textual healing

 

I’ll admit it.  I’m not a huge fan of texting.  Does this put me in some sort of modern day dog house? I shudder at the thought of being judged by a tween with the text typing speed of 500 words per minute (have you ever seen them type?…wow!) but that still won’t make me like texting any more. However, despite my aversion to it, I do love texting my boyfriend.  Maybe I’m not in the dog house permanently after all.  Hmmm.

I’ve been reading a lot of research on text messaging in relationships lately and have come across some very interesting information that may come as a bit of a surprise to some.  I know that some of it, I did not expect.  What I do know is that texting has definitely brought an added element that has very much bonded me and my boyfriend in our relationship, and I wanted to know why the experts thought that was so.

What I found was that the relationships big wigs agree that texting is a sort of modern day love letter writing.  All agree that texting can intensely strengthen bonds and enhance romance in a love relationship, but they can also be harmful if used in the wrong way.

In the spirit of keeping it simple, I have compiled a list of the 3 greatest takeaways that I found in doing my research on the effects of text messaging on relationships.
 

1. Keep it positive

You wouldn’t use a Post-it to break up with someone, would you? I’m sure that anyone who has an ounce of maturity in them knows that some things in relationships require face to face contact.  Break-ups are one of them.  Same goes for serious conversations and arguments.  Text messages are not the place to carry on these kinds of conversations.

In a study done by researchers at Brigham Young University, both men and women said that when they received texts expressing affection, it enhanced their relationship.  So, if people text to express affection, they help increase attachment, which in turn improves relationship stability and satisfaction.

However, they also concluded that a text which is argumentative or hurtful was bound to have a negative impact on the recipient. For example, women reported that when texts were used to offer apologies, make decisions or resolve differences, it reflected less attachment, stability and happiness in the relationship.

Key Takeway: Do your arguing in person where there is less of a chance of misinterpretation.  Use texts, even short ones, to express your affection and love for your partner to strengthen your bond.

 

2. Men and Women Use Texting Differently

I remember having a conversation with a male friend a while back in which he was singing the praises of text messaging.   I looked at him kind of perplexed until he explained to me that it saved him from having long, drawn out phone conversations that he would rather have had in person.  Then he looked at me kind of perplexed and said, “Don’t you know that men HATE talking on the phone?” Okay, I got it.  I’m not big on the phone either so I understood.

Michael Fiore, relationship expert and author of “Text the Romance Back” and “Text Your Ex Back” explains:  “The fact of the matter is most men are absolutely ADDICTED to their cell phones. (If youʼve ever tried to have a serious conversation at the dinner table while your man is surfing the web on his phone, you already know this.)  Texting lets you do a little bit of ‘relationship judo’ and get him to communicate with you without ever coming across as nagging or unreasonable at all.”  That sounds like a win-win to me!

Okay, so now that we know that both parties are probably quite receptive to communicating via text, one very important distinction to keep in mind is that men and women differ in the style and frequency with which they like to send and receive texts.

Fiore points out that men respond more to visual stimuli and are not as emotionally complex as women.  Men are also a lot more blunt in their communication. That’s why it shouldn’t be surprising when men operate in one or two word texts, as frustrating as it may feel to you.

Another difference to keep in mind is that the level of happiness that men and women report varies according to how often they send and receive texts. For men,  too frequent texting was associated with lower relationship quality.  Alternatively, the more that women text in their relationships, the happier they tend to be. (Source: Psychology Today)

Key Takeaway: First of all, don’t take everything personally.  Just because you wrote your sweetie a 5 page text and they responded with a “Yeah.” or “Okay.”, it doesn’t mean you should start questioning the state of your relationship.  Try to keep things in perspective by considering how they usually respond, and understand that they may not use texts in exactly the same way you do.

And yes, that also means that if you text them 10 times a day and they only respond twice, it might be time to think about boundaries with your texting.   A large part of what brings happiness in relationships is in how well we put forth efforts to foster communication and understanding.  Try your best to be in tune with your partner’s personal style and to respect it, even if it’s not how you function.  When your styles are different, the middle ground is where respect and happiness live.
 

3. If you’re not sure, ask.

How many times have you written something on your Facebook page and somebody got their knickers in a knot because they entirely twisted your comment into something that it wasn’t?  I’ll bet it’s happened more than once.  Perhaps they’re just a hyper-sensitive person, but it’s important to remember that thoughts expressed in text format can easily be misinterpreted because when reading text, we lack non-verbal language cues from the other person in order to help us understand their tone.  Makes sense then that we can easily misinterpret what the other person means if we don’t have that important information to go on, right?

Now magnify that by a whole lot when throwing romantic feelings for a love partner in the mix.  It sounds like a perfect storm for a HUGE misunderstanding, doesn’t it?   Well, it definitely can be.

So how can we avoid misunderstandings? We politely and non-aggressively ask for clarity.  Further, when the subject that you and your partner are texting about is important or could possibly take a negative turn, it might be a good idea to move to a verbal conversation, preferably in person.

Key Takeaway:  If you’re not sure what your partner’s meaning or intention is with the text they have sent you, it’s best to take a minute to breathe, relax, and not overreact or overanalyze before you text back.  If you’re texting about a subject that is important and/or could cause a major rift between you, stop texting and start talking.

Texting has solidified itself as a major communication tool between couples in today’s relationships.  Whereas in the past, lovers used to put pen to paper to express their feelings to their beloved, we now text our emotions in this digital world. There is no doubt that the benefits of texting far outweigh the negatives as long as it’s used properly in the relationship as an enhancement tool.  In fact, when done right, texting can bring couples a greater sense of togetherness and connectedness than ever before. 

By the way, I referenced Michael Fiore above because he is a texting PRO who has written guides on how to use tiny little text messages to bring the spark and electricity back into your relationship.  He’s a true superstar expert on this subject and has been invited by countless media outlets to talk about his Text The Romance Back program, including The Rachael Ray Show.  A LOT of people in the LSI community have picked these programs up and truly LOVE them.  If you’re interested in checking out his awesome programs to make them work for you, just follow the links below:

Text The Romance Back

Text Your Ex Back

Sending love!

Gia xoxo

 

How To Know If A Man Really Loves You

How To Know If A Man Really Loves You

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all their being. ~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Love.  Is there a more basic yet complex emotion in the lives of human beings? It can change our very existence, make our lives worth living, send us into the depths of sorrow, and everything in between. Perhaps it is so complex because love means different things to different people, which can leave us perplexed as to whether the feelings of the people we love are mutual. Or maybe, we just don’t have the tools to understand how others love us.

how to know if a man really loves you

So, how do you know if your man really loves you?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell, especially if you don’t know what signs to look for. His behavior may be confusing to you but bear in mind that he may also be confused about his emotions, or he may know exactly how he feels but his feelings may not be coming through clearly to you if you and your partner show love a little (or a lot) differently.   He also just may not feel the same way you do.  But how can you really know?

Yesterday, I was watching a fantastic video presentation by Michael Fiore (renowned relationship expert) on this very subject with a ton of great, useful information, and couldn’t wait to share it with you as well. I was impressed by the utter volume of amazing information in the video and in his program. He touches on many questions he’s been asked by women and provides the answers based on a survey he did of 50,000 men asking them what they really want in a woman, and so much more. Questions like:

Why does he look at other women?
Why do men lie?
Is he cheating on me?
Why doesn’t he open up to me?
Why does he get so quiet?

And, of course, the question that he says is by far the most asked by women: Does he really love me?

He also talks about how to empower yourself in your relationships by addressing topics such as:

The fundamental mistake women make which makes it impossible to ever have a truly happy relationship with a man. (Hint: One of the reasons is because far too many women choose men who don’t deserve them)

How to have a relationship where you feel truly loved and adored the way you’re supposed to with a man who really gets you, loves you, keeps you safe, and celebrates you.

How to tell the difference between a man who just wants a warm body beside him as opposed to a man who is truly in love with you.

What toxic thing you’re doing that is killing his feelings for you.

How love means something different for men and women.

Michael also goes through a 7 question quiz in the video that will help you tell how he really feels. Questions include:

Does he make you a priority?
Does he care about your pleasure in bed?
Does he respect and encourage you in life?

I’ll stop writing about the video and program here or else this post is going to get extremely long (so much to say!), so I’ll just leave it to Michael to enlighten everyone with his wisdom.

Watch Michael’s video by clicking here or on the image below.

Michael Fiore

Please be aware that Michael has built an entire program around his findings which he’ll tell you about in the presentation as well but you do not by any means have to buy it. I hope you simply enjoy the video on its own and if you feel that you could benefit from his program, please do sign up. I have both spoken to Michael and looked through his program personally, and can say with all certainty that I think it’s FANTASTIC and empowering.

Please do enjoy and I hope the video provides you with tools that you can take away with you to use to make your relationships so much better! ~ Gia