He Has A Secret Online Dating Profile. Should I Trust Him?
by Michael Fiore
“Hi Mike, I just ended my 4 year relationship ( that I thought was heading towards becoming engaged in the very near future) because I found out that he had a profile on a dating site geared towards discreet affairs. I’ve been caught completely off guard and devastated by this discovery. Infidelity is the one thing I’d thought I never had to worry about with this person! He is currently trying to get me back by telling me that while he did have a profile and frequent that website, that he only did it for ‘entertainment purposes’ and never intended to actually meet someone and cheat. I’m wondering if you can address this issue. (Unfortunately I’m not the first in my group of friends to experience this recently.)——why do seemingly faithful men, who say they love their partners choose to be on these sites?”~ Miranda
Thanks for your question and sorry for the nuclear destruction of your relationship.
If a guy in a relationship is on a site like that it means one of three things:
- He’s a cheating s-o-b who’s looking to sleep with other girls on the side. (The funny part about that, of course, is that men outnumber women on these “fling” sites by a factor of at least 100 to 1. I’m not saying women don’t cheat – they do – but most women find the idea of just hooking up based on a online profile kind of hilariously distasteful. And I promise the the few women who DO go onto sites like this don’t look anything like the Venusian beauties they put on their homepage to snag guys like your boyfriend.)
He’s feeling the pressure of moving towards getting “truly committed” in the not too distant future and is using a site like this to find out if he could actually do “better” than you if he were single. (By the way, women do this kind of thing too.) Basically, before he puts all his eggs in your womanly basket he wants to know if you’re the “best” he could do.
He wants to feel wanted.
OK, let’s talk about that third one.
In my “Secret Survey: What Men Desperately Want You To Know But Can Never Tell You” program I talk about the sad fact that most straight men simply never feel truly sexually desired by women. It’s a trick of human psychology that men are WAY more visual than women are, and most guys get depressingly used to the idea that turning a woman on is a lot of work.
It’s also a fact that men (and women too actually) crave sexual variety. We can whine and moan and complain about it all we want but the fact is that the human mind has a really, really hard time staying sexually attracted to and focused on just one person for any significant length of time. That’s not to say that it doesn’t happen because it does. All the time.
So, assuming he’s telling the truth and wasn’t actually going to sleep with anybody he met online – and again, there are VERY few real women on there – then what he meant by “entertainment purposes” was . . .
A. He wants to feel sexually desired by somebody other than you and wants to be objectified for his rippling abs. (If he has said abs.)
B. He wants to know he COULD sleep with other women (even though he “never” would.)
C. He wants to look at photos of a$$es and chests of “real people.”
D. He wants to flirt and have the thrill of the chase again.
And yeah, there are guys who really are 100% committed to their relationships who create profiles on sites like this in the dead of the night.
Now, was YOUR boyfriend going to cheat on you?
I do think it’s 100% possible that HE thinks he was just playing and wasn’t taking it seriously.
But if the right kind of hottie had written him online?
Well, he might give in to temptation.
Should this be the absolute killer of your 4 year relationship? Only you can make that determination, but before getting back together with him you should at least go see a couples counselor together to work through this.
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Article Source: Digital Romance, Inc.