You must learn her

You must learn her.

 

you must learn her

 

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.

~Junot Diaz

You’re in Love but They’re Seeing Someone: What to Do

Many things will go through your mind. But in this author’s world and in the world of many, the only thing to do is to follow the golden rule of love.

 

When we’re younger and perhaps more naïve, we may picture our future romantic lives to be rather perfect. We may think that we’ll naturally meet our future husbands or wives at college … or run into them in the supermarket … or be introduced by mutual friends.

 

You will be single. They will be single. The rest will be history.

 

But often this is not the case. And sometimes, quite sadly, you fall for someone who is spoken for. Either they are married or seriously dating someone else.

 

And then you are left to decide what to do.

 

Many things will go through your mind. But in this author’s world and in the world of many, the only thing to do is to follow the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

 

Yep, it pertains here too.

 

The Golden Rule of Love

 

How would you like it if you were happily dating someone and then someone else came along and had a heart to heart with your significant other, telling them how much they love your partner and how they want to be with them.

 

Not great?

 

Well, then you shouldn’t do that either.

 

And that’s the golden rule.

 

We know, we know. But what if their relationship is terrible!?

 

Unfortunately, that is not only not for you to decide, but you are also sort of biased, aren’t you?

 

Not all relationships look great from the outside. Furthermore, even if you are right and the person you have your eye on is in a relationship with a complete tool … that does not give you the right to go meddling in their business.

 

So. This leads us to the real work that you’ll need to start doing: Coping.

 

How to Cope with Loving Someone Who Is Taken

 

  • Make sure that you’re not being played first.

 

We’d like to think that most people are decent, and most are. But there are some individuals out there who just love to be adored at all costs. So if you have a feeling (or simply know for sure) that the person you have your eye on is aware that you like him or her even when they are taken … they very well may continue to lead you on and play you as long as they possibly can until you figure out their twisted ways.

 

Don’t let this happen to you. Decent people don’t lead people on. Yes, even if they say they’re “confused” or “trying to figure things out.” Decent people choose a person and don’t lead people on.

 

  • Remove yourself from the situation if possible.

 

Regardless of whether you are being led on, get as far away from this person as possible. This will make the transition away from being head over heels for them much, much easier. You also simply won’t be tempted by them.

 

  • Forget the movies. Don’t reveal your feelings.

 

The movies tell us that running into a wedding ceremony and objecting is okay. They tell us that it’s alright to have a heart to heart with your taken crush in order to tell them “how you really feel.”

 

And they tell us that eventually, this person will realize that they feel the same way (yippee, you knew it!) and blabedy blah blah blah happily ever after.

 

Well, hun, none of those things are decent, moral things to do. They would be akin to doing with a “homewrecker” does, and nobody likes a homewrecker. Nope. Nobody.

 

  • Don’t tell mutual friends or coworkers.

 

This just muddles things. And it can get you in real hot water down the line.

 

Mutual acquaintances may relay your feelings for someone who is already married or taken to that person or to that person’s significant other. In addition, many people look down upon those who lust after people who are already seeing someone, and you may end up losing friends and alienating people by disclosing your true feelings.

 

  • Get real.

 

“Get real” means that you should Actually. Think. About what would happen if you were with this person.

 

Our minds and imaginations are so wild. They can literally turn any person into a God or Goddess when really … they’re just a normal dude or dudette.

 

When you feel obsessed with someone who is taken, start looking at the facts instead of living with your head in the clouds. Ask yourself these questions.

 

  1. How would I feel if they ditched their partner and got with me right now?
  2. Do I just like them because they are taken?
  3. Are we compatible?

 

Now, your deluded idea of this person may allow you to answer these questions and still be in love with this person—perhaps even more so. But hopefully, you can be objective and think critically enough to try to imagine the exact things that would take place if you got together.

 

They aren’t always so great.

 

Most important to remember here is: Who wants to be with someone who would leave one person for the next (you)?

 

Do you really want to break up this relationship just to get what you want?

 

If you are stuck in this situation, we’re sorry. It’s an extremely painful and difficult one to be in.

 

But do remember to value yourself, take the high road and expect high morals from others as well.

 

The silver lining in all of this is that it’s never over till the fat lady sings.

 

Don’t be a homewrecker. Don’t confess your love to a spoken for man or woman. But hey, if you want … hold out that little glimmer of hope that maybe, someday, on their own, they will end up finding their way to you.

 

And wouldn’t it be so much better that way? Yes.

What Is the Kama Sutra and Why Should You Be Using It?

What Is the Kama Sutra and Why Should You Be Using It?

 

Everyone’s heard of the Kama Sutra. But just what is this sexual handbook? And more importantly, can we use it today to make our own sex lives more healthy and enjoyable?

 

Well, yes and no. First, let’s start with the basics.

 

The Kama Sutra or just Kamasutra is likely the most famous manual for sex in the world. The document was written approximately 2400 years ago in India by a scholar named Vatsyayana.

 

You’ll see a number of various translations on the exact meaning of the title, but in general, this is what it means:

 

Kama = Pleasure or Desire

Sutra ­= Statement, Rule or Formula (Literally: A thread that holds something together)

 

So together, that’s basically “The Rules on Pleasure.”

 

Many people think that the Kama Sutra is simply an old, dusty sex manual, but it’s actually quite an important document that has a lot of historical importance. There are sections on how to find love, how to keep love and how to live a happy life in general. In fact, the entire text contains seven books. Just one of these books is about lovemaking in a physical sense, and in this book, there are ten individual chapters, only one of which is entitled “Love Positions.”

 

It’s also important to note that people have been writing manuals, books and various texts on sex for thousands of years and all around the world. Rome’s famous poet Ovid loved writing about sex and courting women, Philaenis of Samos had his own book on the topics of seduction and aphrodisiacs, and various other authors and poets have tried their hand at the topic as well.

 

Why Was the Kama Sutra Written in the First Place?

 

In India, the primary religion has been Hinduism for thousands of years, and within Hinduism, there are three important goals for living:

 

Darma: Moral duties and general ethics in life.

Artha: The importance of work and prosperity in life.

Kama: Enjoyment of life’s pleasures or the senses.

 

Vatsyayana, the author of the Kama Sutra, had the goal of writing simply about the last of the three goals for living: Life’s pleasures.

 

Notice that this goal is put last in the list of three for a reason. First, good Hindus should focus on cultivating a virtuous life. Next, they must make their way by working and creating wealth for themselves and their family, and finally, lastly, they must enjoy the pleasures of life—with just one of those earthly pleasures being sex.

 

Now, with this in mind, our writer Vatsyayana took readers down a rather amoral path. After all, with the first two parts of living well (moral duty and the importance of hard work and making a living) ostensibly “covered,” why not move on to the fun stuff … right!?

 

In this way, the Kama Sutra, to be sure, is not necessarily an extremely sacred text as many people think that it is. In fact, it’s quite common for people to assume that Indian people in general all know and use the tenets of the Kama Sutra because it’s “part of their religion.” Not so.

 

Actually, the Kama Sutra should be seen as more of the opposite of the moral structure that Hinduism aims to display. Within the texts of this document, you will find information that is quite bad and absolutely not moral in the least. See: Raping young girls, seducing other men’s wives and lots of selfish behavior.

 

Now, it’s a given that this was another time. Women were treated differently as were men in society.

 

But still. Please don’t go living your life by the Kama Sutra. We’re pretty sure even Vatsyayana would look down upon that.

 

How the Kama Sutra Can Help Your Sex Life

 

So with the above information about the history and depth of this book, hopefully we haven’t completely scared you away.

 

In fact, there are many great parts of this text, and one of the great parts is the chapter on sexual pleasure.

 

The Kama Sutra is very cool in that it is completely open and honest about how wonderful sex can be. One of life’s great pleasures is sex! And why shouldn’t we all embrace and indulge (in healthy, moral ways) in this fact!?

 

We think it’s a great idea.

 

So how can this specific chapter on sexual pleasure help a healthy, happy couple?

 

One answer: Awesome sex positions. Here are a few that you absolutely must try the next time you’re in the boudoir with your sweetheart.

 

  1. The Hero

 

She lays on her back but pulls her legs up in the air (really, as far back toward the ears as you can or want to go). He sits on his knees and takes her while holding her legs and enjoying the view.

 

  1. The Plough

 

She lays on the bed on her stomach with her bottom half (legs) off the bed and top half on the bed. He then takes her from behind while holding up her thighs.

 

  1. The Amazon

 

He lies on the bed on his back with her on top as if to do Cowgirl. Instead, he should bend his knees and pull them toward his chest and around her body. Have her scooch up toward him as far as she can go. Both should grab onto each other to maximize rhythm and pleasure.

 

  1. The Frog

 

This is basically doggy but much more pleasurable for the woman as she is able to lay down flat on her stomach keeping her booty up slightly. Or lay down entirely if it’s more pleasurable.

 

These are just four of the many positions that the Kama Sutra offers. So why not give these a try tonight? If you like how they work, there are plenty more where they came from…!