Is Sex Addiction a Real Thing? Does Your Guy Have It?

Is Sex Addiction a Real Thing? Does Your Guy Have It?

 

You’ve heard of sex addiction, but do you actually know what it is?

 

The American Psychiatric Association does not list sex addiction as a sanctioned disorder; however, this doesn’t mean that it’s not something that affects millions of households across the nation.

 

In many cases, instead of calling it a full-blown addiction, therapists and psychiatrists will call so-called sex addiction by another name: Hypersexuality Disorder. And this is a very real thing.

 

But like any other addiction, the disorder is about the underlying issues, not the actual obsession with sex.

 

In other words, if your man is addicted to sex, it’s more than likely that he actually has problems other than those that cause him to be obsessed with sex. He funnels all of his anxieties into sex obsession, but he may be depressed, anxious, have a mood disorder such as bipolar disorder, or be experiencing any other number of emotional or mental issues.

 

Before we get into how sex addiction or hypersexuality can be treated, however, let’s talk about the signs and symptoms.

 

Signs You’re Guy May Have a Sex Addiction

 

The biggest sign of sex addiction is the individual’s obsession and preoccupation with sex. Makes sense, right? But this can manifest itself in different ways.

 

To start with, many with this addiction say that basically, sex rules their lives. It’s all they can think about.

 

Here are a few of the hallmark signs of sex addiction that you may see.

 

  1. Cheating and Multiple Sex Partners

 

The thing you have to wonder about those who come out as sex addicts is whether or not they really are ill with this addiction or just jerks who cheated and are looking for something to blame it on so that they don’t get in trouble and thrown in the dog house.

 

We’ll say it again: Sex addiction is not a legitimate disorder according to The American Psychiatric Association. And to be sure, there must be some jerks out there who have tried this tactic.

 

With that being said, there is evidence to prove that some individuals who have this hypersexuality disorder do show the symptom of constant cheating and infidelity. They may put themselves and partners if they have them at risk by having sex with multiple partners on an almost daily basis.

 

  1. Habitual Masturbation

 

You knew masturbation was going to be a part of this conversation.

 

Habitual masturbation refers to the almost constant need of the individual to sexually pleasure him or herself. Masturbation alone is a healthy, normal thing to do, but when it’s all the time and mixed with other signs and symptoms, it may not be quite normal.

 

  1. Various Forms of Sex

 

We all know that sex comes in many forms, especially in this day and age. Those who struggle with sex addiction may be especially into trying all of these out.

 

They may use prostitutes, have sex on the phone, on the computer, via text, with messaging systems, and in many other ways.

 

  1. Pornography and Lots of It

 

You also knew pornography would come into play, right?

 

Again, all porn isn’t terrible. Some, undoubtedly is and is illegal and should be banned for good reason. But depending on what experts you talk to, some forms of porn aren’t bad, and watching it is a healthy way of expressing yourself.

 

The trouble is when porn starts to run someone’s life. There is such a thing as too much porn.

 

  1. Constantly Talking About Sex

 

Someone who is addicted to sex will relate everything to sex. If you are their partner, this can get extremely annoying and likely unnerving. They may constantly ask you for sex by relating everything you say or do to an innuendo, or they may comment on everything you see or do in a sexual way.

 

  1. Leering or Cat Calling

 

As the individual who is addicted to sex wants to have it all the time and may solicit it from you the partner and/or others, they may also stare at other women or men in a leering manner or flirt, hit on or cat call constantly.

 

  1. Exhibitionism

 

Exhibitionism is when an individual wants to show themselves off—usually their body and especially their genitals. Streaking and stripping are forms of exhibitionism.

 

  1. Loss of Interest in Other Parts of Life

 

He may stop doing other things he used to find fun or interesting. Trouble at work or being fired may come into play, or he may start losing friends because of the way he’s composing himself.

 

  1. Constant Preening

 

A man who is addicted to sex wants to have it all the time and therefore may primp and preen more often so as to appear more attractive to the opposite sex.

 

  1. Other Risky Behavior

 

There are other risky sexual behaviors that someone addicted to sex may engage in. If something he’s doing seems very out of the ordinary to you, take note of it. It may be a part of this bigger problem.

 

Treatment for Sex Addiction

 

So you think your guy might have sex addiction but aren’t sure what to do? Treatment varies. There’s no end-all, be-all treatment that can instantly cure someone of a sex addiction just like there’s no instant cure for alcoholism or drug addiction either.

 

In some cases, medications may be used. These are typically medications that treat the “obsessive-compulsive” aspect of some impulse control disorders such as sex addiction (i.e. When he “can’t stop himself”).

 

In this way, if you think your husband or boyfriend may have a problem with sex addiction, seek professional help at a rehab center, or try a therapist who specializes in this mood disorder. The American Psychiatric Association may not say that sex addiction is real, but it’s certainly true that this is an issue that thousands of both men and women deal with and struggle with each year.

Sex Is Over When Men Orgasm (And Other Old Wives Tales)

Sex Is Over When Men Orgasm (And Other Old Wives Tales)

 

Alright, let’s get straight to the point here. When it comes to men and orgasming, the general consensus is … that when he eventually does it (planned or unplanned), everything stops.

 

Now, this doesn’t have to be the case, but we’ll get to that later. It’s important to note, however, that it’s no wonder we all have this opinion.

 

Really, duh, how can the journey continue when the tank’s out of gas?

 

Turns out this after-effect has a name.

 

The Refractory Period

 

Ah, the refractory period: The arch nemesis of women. This is a time period after sex when men are physically recovering from being sexually excited (women have this too but it’s not quite so pronounced … or, ahem, obvious). Men lose their erection during this period, and it’s difficult for them to become aroused again in a noticeable way for the duration.

 

For some rare men, the refractory period is quick—like 5 minutes. For young men in their early 20s, it can be around 15 to 20 minutes. For most men of all ages, it’s on average, 30 minutes.

 

Ok, so what, do we wait 30 minutes and then get back to it and pick up where we left off?

 

That’s the thing. Usually no, right?

 

Usually, once the top has blown so to speak, it’s “Say goodnight!” Everybody cleans themselves up, packs up their things, and goes on their way.

 

But why?

 

As a woman, this whole thing is really a much bigger problem than we make it out to be. It’s a an Old Wives Tale, flat out, that sex has to stop when men orgasm.

 

Yet … we continue to agree that this is just “the way it is” and there’s nothing we or they can do about it.

 

Unfortunately, this puts women in an unfortunate situation if:

 

a.) She hasn’t orgasmed yet.

or

b.) She just wants to keep going.

 

So! What to do … Well, you can’t beat the refractory period—that’s real. But what you can do is keep the party going by staying on top of him (sometimes, literally!)

 

Yes, things will slow down a bit during these few minutes, but trust us, there are lots of things you can still do. Kissing, touching, dirty talk. Those are just a few. Just remember that as the woman, you’ll need to be the ring leader during this period. If you want to keep things going, then do it, and he should stay on board. Soon enough, he’ll be right back up there with you …

 

More Old Wives Tales Pertaining to Sex

 

Women can’t have a g-spot orgasm.

 

The g-spot orgasm or vaginal orgasm has been stumping women and men alike for years. Can women have one? Does it exist? Ok, then where is it? Is it better than a clitoral orgasm?

 

Ok myth debunked: Even though it is true that having a vaginal orgasm is much more difficult than having a clitoral orgasm for most women, it is possible. You just have to try some different moves. For many women, the “come hither” finger pull motion has been a winner. This would be what your partner should be trying on the top front wall of the vagina.

 

Watching porn is something that only men do.

 

Nu uh! Women can and do watch porn as well. It’s all a personal thing. Naturally, some women aren’t into certain types of porn or any porn. But men can have the same affinities.

 

This was even proven by science when scientists at Washington University School of Medicine found that showing erotic images to both men and women caused both groups to have quick increases in brain activity. It wasn’t more pronounced in men.

 

Men can have sex without falling in love, and women can’t.

 

Ok, it’s true that orgasming can cause chemical hormones to rush into your brain and that these chemical hormones are linked to love/connection, but that’s just it: This happens in both men and women.

 

Moreover, it’s not like these hormones mean that love is imminent. They’re bonding hormones, and again, they occur in both men and women equally.

 

Women aren’t as interested in sex as men as they get older.

 

Er, no.

 

We’ve certainly all heard the jokes and snide remarks from men (usually in TV sitcoms) about having sex with their wives being just about as common as spotting a shooting star. The truth is, The University of Texas found that younger women in their 20s and 30s generally have a lower libido that women in their 40s, 50s and beyond.

 

We think that’s pretty cool, and hey, it also makes sense! As women get older, they learn a thing or two about what exactly they want in bed. And when they get it, of course they want more of it!

 

3 Ways to Make Your Husband Obsess Over You Again

Make Your Husband Obsess Over You Again

 

Can you remember those first few days when you knew your husband was The One? Butterflies, inability to think of anything or anyone else, waiting by the phone for him to call, and that feeling when it was him on the other end.

 

Then there were the huge efforts you put into how you looked and acted, how you wanted him to be happy.

 

He did the same for you. Put his arm around you when you were cold, made you dinner or breakfast in bed, looked into your eyes and told you he loved you for the first time.

 

And yes, all of this and all those other little things you can think of: That’s how you fell in love.

 

But what happens when those things fade away?

 

Well, often so does the love. Not the actual love. But the appearance of that love: The romance, the obsession over each other.

 

Fortunately, you can bring that love back. You can make your man obsessed with you again. Start by doing these three things.

 

  1. Surprise him with sex. No really, surprise him.

 

First of all, if you’re not having regular sex, it’s time to sit up and listen up. No matter how much women claim that true love is about support, respect and unconditional love (and it is to an extent), sex is a huge part of any marriage. You need sex. And men need sex.

 

So if you’re not having it, you have a problem, and you need to jump on your guy the next time you see him. Ok? Ok, we got that out of the way.

 

Now, if things are a little better and you’re indeed having sex … just not very often or very … what’s the word … passionately, you need to step it up a bit.

 

1) Make sure you have a time set. For example, before he goes to turn on the TV at night, plan on telling him you need “help” with something upstairs.

 

2) Groom yourself beforehand. Yes, we know, you’re not a dog. But shave, wax, pluck—whatever you need to do. And also do your hair, put on makeup and have a little something sexy underneath …

 

3) … Or go out and get yourself a nice set of lingerie.

 

4) When you get to it, go slow. Look him in the eyes with your sexiest come hither look, whisper in his ear, move around the bed instead of letting him do all the work, and make sex last.

 

Trust us, he’ll be pretty obsessed over you at this point.

 

  1. Add some mystery to yourself.

 

Many women make the mistake of making themselves too available to their men. Now, in a husband/wife relationship, you naturally want to be available. Heck, you want to me more than just “available.” You need to be there for him through thick and thin.

 

What we’re talking about is that special “je ne sais quoi” that all men want their women to have. “Je ne sais quoi” means “I don’t know what” in French, and what it really means is some special little hint of exclusiveness and elusiveness.

 

To cultivate this in yourself, try doing more things without your husband instead of always hanging around. Start getting involved in new hobbies, and have your own interests. Paint, draw, start running, read a new book, make new friends, join some clubs, get a new hair style, start wearing makeup, jazz up your wardrobe. It’s the little things that will really pique his interest.

 

  1. Go out and do something new together.

 

According to Scientific American, oxytocin (the hormone) is your best friend. That’s because it promotes a strong bond or connection between you and whatever you are experiencing (whoever you’re with) when it’s released into your brain.

 

And you get oxytocin when you do exciting things, like falling in love or experiencing new adventures. For example, having sex (the orgasm) releases oxytocin in your brain and so does jumping out of an airplane with nothing but a parachute. (Both exciting in their own way!)

 

You don’t have to go jump out of an airplane with your man to make him fall head over heels with you again, but any new experience or adventure could benefit from this oxytocin release. Take a cooking class together, or try a new sport. Even taking a vacation together could do the trick.

 

What if These Techniques Don’t Work?

 

Alright, if the situation’s more dire than just lack of sex or mystery in your marriage, you’ll need to pull out all the stops.

 

Marriage is tough (understatement anyone?), and it requires even tougher fixes when things go wrong. We’ve seen a lot of marriages have success with Mend the Marriage, a comprehensive program by Brad Browning that has been shown to produce results in broken marriages or splits almost immediately.

 

Brad Browning is a world-renowned relationship coach, and he developed this program in order to help any type of marital issues. There is a women’s track for wives, but there’s also a man’s track for husbands who may be wanting to mend their own side of a broken marriage and need particular, directed help. Each program has a unique take on what part a man or a woman should play in a marriage, but they’re both grounded in the same essential principles.

 

In the program, the information is delivered in detail, but it’s also to the point. There’s no beating around the bush if you have problems in your marriage, and the program approaches the fixes in the same way: “Here’s what you need to do today.” There’s even a 60-day money back guarantee.

 

Remember, if your marriage is important to you and you and your spouse are going through rough times, don’t assume that’s just “the norm.” Don’t you want your husband (or wife!) to obsess over you again the way they used to? Try this program, and use the techniques in the main article. No marriage is perfect, but if there’s room for improvement, do it!