Alright, let’s get straight to the point here. When it comes to men and orgasming, the general consensus is … that when he eventually does it (planned or unplanned), everything stops.
Now, this doesn’t have to be the case, but we’ll get to that later. It’s important to note, however, that it’s no wonder we all have this opinion.
Really, duh, how can the journey continue when the tank’s out of gas?
Turns out this after-effect has a name.
The Refractory Period
Ah, the refractory period: The arch nemesis of women. This is a time period after sex when men are physically recovering from being sexually excited (women have this too but it’s not quite so pronounced … or, ahem, obvious). Men lose their erection during this period, and it’s difficult for them to become aroused again in a noticeable way for the duration.
For some rare men, the refractory period is quick—like 5 minutes. For young men in their early 20s, it can be around 15 to 20 minutes. For most men of all ages, it’s on average, 30 minutes.
Ok, so what, do we wait 30 minutes and then get back to it and pick up where we left off?
That’s the thing. Usually no, right?
Usually, once the top has blown so to speak, it’s “Say goodnight!” Everybody cleans themselves up, packs up their things, and goes on their way.
As a woman, this whole thing is really a much bigger problem than we make it out to be. It’s a an Old Wives Tale, flat out, that sex has to stop when men orgasm.
Yet … we continue to agree that this is just “the way it is” and there’s nothing we or they can do about it.
Unfortunately, this puts women in an unfortunate situation if:
a.) She hasn’t orgasmed yet.
b.) She just wants to keep going.
So! What to do … Well, you can’t beat the refractory period—that’s real. But what you can do is keep the party going by staying on top of him (sometimes, literally!)
Yes, things will slow down a bit during these few minutes, but trust us, there are lots of things you can still do. Kissing, touching, dirty talk. Those are just a few. Just remember that as the woman, you’ll need to be the ring leader during this period. If you want to keep things going, then do it, and he should stay on board. Soon enough, he’ll be right back up there with you …
More Old Wives Tales Pertaining to Sex
Women can’t have a g-spot orgasm.
The g-spot orgasm or vaginal orgasm has been stumping women and men alike for years. Can women have one? Does it exist? Ok, then where is it? Is it better than a clitoral orgasm?
Ok myth debunked: Even though it is true that having a vaginal orgasm is much more difficult than having a clitoral orgasm for most women, it is possible. You just have to try some different moves. For many women, the “come hither” finger pull motion has been a winner. This would be what your partner should be trying on the top front wall of the vagina.
Watching porn is something that only men do.
Nu uh! Women can and do watch porn as well. It’s all a personal thing. Naturally, some women aren’t into certain types of porn or any porn. But men can have the same affinities.
This was even proven by science when scientists at Washington University School of Medicine found that showing erotic images to both men and women caused both groups to have quick increases in brain activity. It wasn’t more pronounced in men.
Men can have sex without falling in love, and women can’t.
Ok, it’s true that orgasming can cause chemical hormones to rush into your brain and that these chemical hormones are linked to love/connection, but that’s just it: This happens in both men and women.
Moreover, it’s not like these hormones mean that love is imminent. They’re bonding hormones, and again, they occur in both men and women equally.
Women aren’t as interested in sex as men as they get older.
We’ve certainly all heard the jokes and snide remarks from men (usually in TV sitcoms) about having sex with their wives being just about as common as spotting a shooting star. The truth is, The University of Texas found that younger women in their 20s and 30s generally have a lower libido that women in their 40s, 50s and beyond.
We think that’s pretty cool, and hey, it also makes sense! As women get older, they learn a thing or two about what exactly they want in bed. And when they get it, of course they want more of it!