Sex Is Over When Men Orgasm (And Other Old Wives Tales)

Sex Is Over When Men Orgasm (And Other Old Wives Tales)


Alright, let’s get straight to the point here. When it comes to men and orgasming, the general consensus is … that when he eventually does it (planned or unplanned), everything stops.


Now, this doesn’t have to be the case, but we’ll get to that later. It’s important to note, however, that it’s no wonder we all have this opinion.


Really, duh, how can the journey continue when the tank’s out of gas?


Turns out this after-effect has a name.


The Refractory Period


Ah, the refractory period: The arch nemesis of women. This is a time period after sex when men are physically recovering from being sexually excited (women have this too but it’s not quite so pronounced … or, ahem, obvious). Men lose their erection during this period, and it’s difficult for them to become aroused again in a noticeable way for the duration.


For some rare men, the refractory period is quick—like 5 minutes. For young men in their early 20s, it can be around 15 to 20 minutes. For most men of all ages, it’s on average, 30 minutes.


Ok, so what, do we wait 30 minutes and then get back to it and pick up where we left off?


That’s the thing. Usually no, right?


Usually, once the top has blown so to speak, it’s “Say goodnight!” Everybody cleans themselves up, packs up their things, and goes on their way.


But why?


As a woman, this whole thing is really a much bigger problem than we make it out to be. It’s a an Old Wives Tale, flat out, that sex has to stop when men orgasm.


Yet … we continue to agree that this is just “the way it is” and there’s nothing we or they can do about it.


Unfortunately, this puts women in an unfortunate situation if:


a.) She hasn’t orgasmed yet.


b.) She just wants to keep going.


So! What to do … Well, you can’t beat the refractory period—that’s real. But what you can do is keep the party going by staying on top of him (sometimes, literally!)


Yes, things will slow down a bit during these few minutes, but trust us, there are lots of things you can still do. Kissing, touching, dirty talk. Those are just a few. Just remember that as the woman, you’ll need to be the ring leader during this period. If you want to keep things going, then do it, and he should stay on board. Soon enough, he’ll be right back up there with you …


More Old Wives Tales Pertaining to Sex


Women can’t have a g-spot orgasm.


The g-spot orgasm or vaginal orgasm has been stumping women and men alike for years. Can women have one? Does it exist? Ok, then where is it? Is it better than a clitoral orgasm?


Ok myth debunked: Even though it is true that having a vaginal orgasm is much more difficult than having a clitoral orgasm for most women, it is possible. You just have to try some different moves. For many women, the “come hither” finger pull motion has been a winner. This would be what your partner should be trying on the top front wall of the vagina.


Watching porn is something that only men do.


Nu uh! Women can and do watch porn as well. It’s all a personal thing. Naturally, some women aren’t into certain types of porn or any porn. But men can have the same affinities.


This was even proven by science when scientists at Washington University School of Medicine found that showing erotic images to both men and women caused both groups to have quick increases in brain activity. It wasn’t more pronounced in men.


Men can have sex without falling in love, and women can’t.


Ok, it’s true that orgasming can cause chemical hormones to rush into your brain and that these chemical hormones are linked to love/connection, but that’s just it: This happens in both men and women.


Moreover, it’s not like these hormones mean that love is imminent. They’re bonding hormones, and again, they occur in both men and women equally.


Women aren’t as interested in sex as men as they get older.


Er, no.


We’ve certainly all heard the jokes and snide remarks from men (usually in TV sitcoms) about having sex with their wives being just about as common as spotting a shooting star. The truth is, The University of Texas found that younger women in their 20s and 30s generally have a lower libido that women in their 40s, 50s and beyond.


We think that’s pretty cool, and hey, it also makes sense! As women get older, they learn a thing or two about what exactly they want in bed. And when they get it, of course they want more of it!


11 Sex Myths You Need to File in the Trash

Sex myths


When it comes to sex, there are innumerable myths out there.


You’ve heard ‘em from the kid who sat behind you in high school biology, your crazy aunt, and that TV show you used to religiously watch … but what’s true and what’s false?


We’ll dive into some of the most common of these crazy sex myths and uncover the truth.


  1. “The goal of sex is the orgasm.”


You can decide on the goal of sex and make it what you want it to be. But in general, it’s actually true that there can be a lot more to sex than just the end. Foreplay can be intensely erotic and pleasurable, and even those moments leading up to orgasm can be more exciting than the event itself.


Similarly, it’s important to remember that many people have trouble orgasming because they are so concerned and preoccupied with it. Orgasms just work better when they’re not always the center of attention.


  1. “Men think about having sex every 7 seconds.”


The truth is, it’s hard to measure something like this. But if you could and you found that men do think about sex every 7 seconds, you’d find that that would mean men think about sex 7,200 times each day. That’s a lot. It’s probably more like they think about sex … 20 times a day. Still a lot. But not 72,000.


  1. “Sex burns tons of calories.”


Actually not that many. Sadly, if you’re trying to use sex as regular exercise, you should supplement it with something else, like running or swimming as well.


  1. “It’s normal for women to fake orgasms sometimes.”


It might be common with some women, but it’s not normal, and it shouldn’t be. Women who know what they want in bed and are happy and confident with their sex lives don’t fake orgasms. Maybe you won’t have one every time, but there’s no reason to fake.


  1. “Only men like porn.”


Not true. Women like porn too. It’s just probably not the same type of stuff. Oh and wet dreams? You thought that was just a teenage boy thing? Not true either. No only do adult men have wet dreams occasionally, women can have them as well.


  1. “A man’s penis size is evident by his shoe size”


A full-blown study debunked this one. 104 men at University College London were checked for a correlation between their shoe sizes and their penis sizes. It was found that there was no correlation with these two measurements. So all in all, if you’re a woman on the lookout for a well-endowed man, just checking out his sneaks won’t get the job done.


  1. “The taste of a guy’s semen is affected by the foods he eats.”


Even though some women will swear there is a difference in semen taste depending on what their man is eating, there’s just no correlation here. A few scientific studies did find that sodium content of semen can vary depending on what the man has been eating on a regular basis. But in general, the overall “flavor” of semen isn’t based on diet.


  1. “When you get old, you won’t want to have sex.”


This one’s so far from the truth. You may not want to hear a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g whatsoever about your parents or grandparents’ sex lives, but if they’re together and relatively happy, they’re doin’ it.


And that’s a good thing. Older adults may have less sex overall as a rule, but they still have libidos, and they still want to and do have sex.


  1. “She should orgasm first, and if she doesn’t, too bad.”


Most couples will either try to orgasm together or have her orgasm first because, well, it’s slightly more difficult for him to “help you get there” when he’s been accounted for.


But what’s this rule about? If he orgasms first, that’s fine and great. But that doesn’t mean he has to be at a loss to help her finish.


  1. “Great sex should last for hours.”


Great sex can last for hours, but it doesn’t have to. In fact, many times you’ll find that a quickie in the morning or on the big arm chair in the den can be just as satisfactory as a full-blown love-making session that lasts 2 hours.


  1. “Sex should look like it does in the movies and on TV.”


No way. In the movies and on television, makeup artists are entering the frame every 2 minutes to add sexy beads of fake sweat to his forehead and rearrange her hair into beautifully cascading tendrils on the pillow.


Bodies are waxed. Sheets are 40,000 thread count. The sun is setting over the Mediterranean in the background. Who has sex like this!? If you’re not, don’t worry. You’re not the only one. Sex should look the way you’re comfortable with it looking. And it almost never looks like it does on TV or in the movies.


What you may have learned from this and from all of these debunked myths is that you shouldn’t worry about sex being the way other people say it should be. It should be how you want it to be—you and your partner. And if you’re happy with it—no matter how many minutes you go at it for, how big his penis his, or how old you are—it’s great sex.


So keep doin’ it.