You must learn her

You must learn her.


you must learn her


You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.

~Junot Diaz

What Is Today’s Definition of a Feminist? Are You One? Is Your Partner?

Are you a feminist?


If asked, it’s likely that many women these days would say “yes” to the question: Are you a feminist?


A lot of men might say the same thing.


That’s probably because according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, this is the official definition of feminism:


(1) the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities


Would probably seem reasonable to a lot of people, no?


Well, maybe. It turns out that a lot of people view “feminism” differently—as in, it doesn’t have just one definition


Here’s an example.


A while back, news and gossip outlets were abuzz with the fact that Kaley Cuoco, the actress who plays Penny on The Big Bang Theory, said that she didn’t want to be labeled a feminist, saying that she likes serving her husband and being a good housewife to him.


She later said that she appreciates all the women who have paved the way for women’s rights and that she was taken out of context (because people got crazy mad at her original comments).


Trendsetting celebrity Kim Kardashian also said she does not want to be labeled as a feminist. Fans and contemporaries alike were outraged. And in response to this outrage, Kim released some quotes on the matter that basically said she just didn’t want to be “labeled.” Actress Shailene Woodley said about the same thing. She didn’t want to be labeled either.


So this leaves us with the question: What’s so bad about being a feminist to these women?


And you’ll see quite a few men hating on the term as well.


When you see people shying away from this so-called label, you’ve got to wonder what exactly the huge deal is. If we agree with the definition above, feminism seems perfectly reasonable to most people.


Now, this is an issue that can’t thoroughly be discussed in one article. There are so many aspects to the world of feminism and its history that you would need a series of books to even start to grasp everything.


But, let’s dive in.


First, Kaley Cuoco.


Kaley is just one example out of many women who feel the same way as her. They see the word “feminist” as pitted against some or all of the following:


  • Men in general
  • Being a good wife or girlfriend
  • Wearing feminine clothing and makeup
  • Letting men do things for them sometimes


In other words, some women are afraid to say they’re feminists because they think that feminist = man hater.


And let’s be honest: This idea makes sense!


After all, for centuries, feminists have been vying for things that most men have already had:


  • The right to vote.
  • The right to be independent and work.
  • The right to own property.
  • The right to get an education.
  • The right to … wear pants.


These are all things that women had to work for. They weren’t simply give.


Now … it’s a hope that we can all agree that the facts that women can vote, work, own property, get an education and wear pants are great things.


But today, feminists want even more.


And for most people who might say that they don’t want to be labeled as feminists, these are the issues.


To understand this further, we need to discuss the 3 waves of feminism.


The 3 Waves of Feminism


If you wanted, you could take feminism back to Greece. But for the title question that were discussing, let’s start in the 1800s with first wave feminism.


  1. 1830s – 1900s: First Wave Feminism


This was where the base progress began for feminism. Women aimed to attain political power, including the right to vote, work and be in charge of their family, yes even when a man wasn’t around.


  1. 1960s – 1980s: Second Wave Feminism


This wave was perfecting the first wave, but it focused on the workplace. These feminists wanted more rights for working women and single mothers, better reproductive rights and more respect all around in civil and social issues.


  1. 1990s – Present: Third Wave Feminism


Today, there are many different types of feminists: Radicals, Ecofeminists … But for the most part, these advocates are looking to continue equal rights for women. The biggest issues are social, economic and medical equality. For example, they want better reproductive rights, more equal pay and less body-shaming all around.


A lot of third wave feminists are criticized for being anti-man, anti-makeup, anti-diet/perfect body image, anti-marriage, and the list goes on.


So! Are You A Feminist?


Deciding whether or not you’re a feminist and clearing the air about whether or not your partner is one can be a touchy subject.


One good thing to remember is that you don’t have to register anywhere as a feminist!


So don’t feel pressure to have one straight answer: All in or all out. You can say that yes you are a feminist and still have caveats about the movement. You’re allowed to take issue with certain aspects or certain leaders in the feminist arena who don’t uphold your own personal values.


With that being said, do keep in mind that—just like Kaley, Kim and Shailene—if you say that you are not a feminist, people will take issue with this, and they might have some seriously valid ground to stand on. That’s because at its core (even if current third wave feminists are being way too off their rockers for your taste), feminism has undoubtedly achieved great things. I personally would have a knock down drag out fight with anyone who took issue with women having the right to vote. That’s something that needed to happen period.


So in terms of your partner, if you have a man in your life who says he’s “not a feminist,” and you are, you might want to discuss some of these things with him. Many men in present day don’t realize how hard women have had it throughout history, or they don’t take it to heart anyway. Similarly, it’s important to realize that many feminists vie for other vital rights for women in other parts of the world today.


Again, saying that you are a feminist doesn’t mean you are a man hater. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy wearing makeup or even that you are 100 percent in support of everything any given other feminist wants from the cause.


The best way to know how you feel is to be educated about it. This is a start, but be sure and read other publications about the history of feminism and what feminists are doing today.


8 Things Women Want In A Man (Because We’re Just Not As Complicated As You Think)

8 Things Women Want in a Man




(Said in a sarcastic, what-can-ya-do-about-em? tone.)


How many times have men said that? And why?


Well, because women are so complicated, that’s why.


… er, aren’t they?


Truth is: Women aren’t actually as complicated as men always think. Yep, you read that right.


That’s because when it comes to important matters, like what we’re looking for in a man … we know exactly what we want.


The 8 Traits Every Woman Wants in a Man


  1. Capability


A man who can take care of himself? Now that’s something to desire. Don’t get us wrong, though: We want to take care of you sometimes. It makes us feel motherly and nurturing. But in general, we love a man who can have his house in order on his own.


This means a lot of different things. For one: Have a job. You don’t have to be the head of a multi-million-dollar corporation, but it certainly would be nice if you had a regular income and were proud of your work.


In addition, be in charge of your finances. Pay your rent and your bills on time. Have your own form of transportation. Don’t leach off of friends or family members, and certainly don’t leech off of us.


Finally, take care of your appearance and your surroundings. We’ll talk about this more in #8, but in general, we just want you to shower daily, look presentable and not be a complete slob in your home.


  1. Intelligence


When some people think of the word “intelligence,” they think of geeks or nerds who know a lot about math and computers. And of course, while these traits are certainly nothing to snub our noses at, we’re talking about more than just school smarts when we say intelligence.


We’re talking about intelligence as in the ability to talk intelligently about topics from all arenas. For example, we’d like to be able to have discussions with you about recent news, politics or history. Know a little bit about the world. Have some unique skills and interests too.


It’s also always good to have street smarts. We like a quick and clever man. A little witty banter never hurt anyone. 


  1. Kindness


Being sweet and kind is always desired in a man. We want someone who’s going to be thoughtful enough to remember our birthdays and plan something special and unique. We want you to take care of us when we’re sick and bring us breakfast in bed sometimes just for the heck of it.


And more than just material kindness, simply being there for us when we’ve had a rough day can go a long way. In our man, we want someone we can turn to when the going gets rough, which leads us to our next favorite trait …


  1. Strength


Every woman wants a strong man. This goes for both inner and outer strength, although the latter isn’t necessarily a must all the time. You don’t have to be completely chiseled with perfect abs and huge arms to be hot to us.


The inner strength, however, is vital. We want you to be strong for us when we simply can’t be strong for ourselves. And that’s going to happen sometimes. Despite acting like we want to be capable, independent women who don’t need help from anyone, there are times when we feel it’s really nice to be taken care of. And we’ll do the same for you when you need us.


  1. Humor


A guy who never cracks a smile or makes a joke? No thanks. Everyone needs a little humor in their lives. With that being said, we’d ask that you keep the pranks to a minimum with us. Save that for your buddies because we’re talking more about light-hearted humor here. Make us laugh and we’ll love you forever.


  1. Commitment and Reliability


We want to believe in you. We really do. But if we’ve been burned by men who didn’t want to commit in the past, this is going to be hard for us. That’s why really showing us that you can be committed to our relationship and reliable about your promises is so very important.  


  1. Respect


Remember up there when we mentioned wanting to be taken care of? We believe firmly that a woman deserves both to be taken care of and to be respected. Please don’t assume it’s only one or the other.


Just because we sometimes want to run into your arms and cry, that does not mean that we want you to solve all of our problems for us because we can’t do it ourselves. Instead, it means that we want you to be there for us at that very moment. So be there, and be our cheerleader so that we can then go on to recover and do even better.


  1. Attractiveness


Finally, yes, attractiveness is on this list. A nice looking man is … just that: Nice. In general, tall is always good. A solid build and nice hair doesn’t hurt either. And always smile.


With that being said, this one is last for a reason. Attractiveness is just icing on the cake, but it’s really not a necessity that you have to have in order for us to be into you and down the line, fall in love with you. After all, beauty (and handsomeness) is in the eye of the beholder. And true attractiveness starts on the inside. So if you nail the other seven, you automatically have this one down pat as well. Good job.


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