The Surprising Thing All Men Crave

The first woman (we’ll call her Janet) was sitting at a table with me and eight other acquaintances when she made her approach. This may seem a bit ridiculous, but remember we were in our early 20s and still basically just kids. She was giggling a lot (she almost always did) and talking in hushed tones for a few seconds with her close girlfriend sitting beside her before she turned to me and said, “I bet you would look really good with your shirt off.” She had a silly grin on her face and no shame for her boldness.

The other woman (we’ll call her Nicole) approached me one day as we both exited a building and headed down a sidewalk after a social event. She walked beside me for a moment, making small talk before changing her tone of voice slightly to a more serious tone. She said, “I was really impressed with what you said to Bill and Sarah last week.” She turned her head and looked me in the eye at this point, and continued, “Your wisdom’s going to take you a long way in this world, you know.”

Can you guess which one of these women got my attention? Was it Janet or Nicole?

The truth is, they both got my attention. Only one caused me to feel deeply respected. At the moment I experienced true respect from Nicole, I could suddenly see visions of myself in a long-term relationship with her. Experiencing the weight of her respect caused me to want to welcome her into my life and promise my heart to her. I suddenly felt a deep trust for her and the desire to never lose the deep respect she seemed to hold for me.

Janet got my attention too, but I felt like she saw me as some kind of plaything. I believe she had a genuine desire to pay a compliment, but I did not feel respected. I felt she was not respecting “me,” the deeper me, the real me.

True respect is demonstrated, not just spoken with words. This is a concept that is difficult to explain without a lot of examples and more in-depth explanation. Because of that, I put together a video that describes a profound experience I have had with teaching women what I now call “The Respect Principle.”  


As a professional dating coach, there are few things I have to offer women that have a deeper and more powerful effect in their lives. Respect matters to men in ways women just can’t see (without a little training in male psychology). If you’d like to learn how to implement this concept in your own relationships, follow the link below for a more in-depth explanation of The Respect Principle.  It can literally change EVERYTHING for the better in your current relationship, or in preparing you for a new, healthy relationship.

Click here to learn more!

Wishing you the best in love and life!

James Bauer


  1. Now I’m curious “what matters most to women?” I think most of us want to feel that same respect for how and who we are instead of what we look like. This article, I think describes what most people of both genders, want in a partner.

  2. Extraordinarily Insightful…and very true. Most men are not shallow. This impression, even in his twenties, shows brilliant depth of understanding of self. Bravo!

    I hope more women truly understand this! Maybe, longer lasting relationships would follow! So long as it is mutual….

    1. I agree. Most PEOPLE have depth. Compatibility is revealed through interaction. Interaction does not limit itself with verbal-communication. Sharing non-verbal; listening; inquiring; noticing; laughing; exposing are insecurities and are vulnerabilities. its unique for all of us. Are unique interaction is merely seeking the right combination. There is no wrong or right way.

  3. Hmmm…is it just me or is being respectful just common sense? It’s not a dating tip, it’s how we should act towards one another regardless. Even in our non-romantic relationships, we need to have that deep respect for each other, as people. Not trying to belittle the author or his article, but this isn’t new information. The Golden Rule, treat others as you want to be treated. Simple as that.

  4. It goes both ways, you treat a woman with the same respect and not “treat her like a jerk’ will gain you more respect.

  5. Interesting I lost all respect for my wife when I found out she was lying to me and then lying to cover up the lie. She totally disrespected our relationship and me when she started her lying which led to her cheating and physical abuse. 23 years just gone.

  6. WhIle I appreciate this insight, the women were met in different situations. Someone you meet in a restaurant is unlikely to compliment your mind, as they haven’t seen that side of you.

  7. Enjoy many of your posts, surely real love is more natural than copying whats in relationship books? Both those ways might work if it’s the right person. Have to say, to me, with true love everything is said within a moments glance. Personally I wouldn’t get with someone unless I thought highly of them to start with. I met the most wisest plus hottest man of my life that way, the only time I gave a kiss first rather than received, plus the only one in my life worth the effort of asking out. I say always go with your heart!

    1. Seeing others reviews, yes it went both ways, feelings were mutual. There was the walk, talk, agreement before our first kiss

  8. Not being sexist, but the majority of you women are missing the point. Both genders like to be respected, but there is a level and type of respect that is more appealing to men. To provide this positive ego treat (at a minor sacrifice) is the equivalent of expressed love. Most of you will agree that this type of “flattery” is not what ladies, but it is innate to the make-up of men. If you want to catch something you need bait your hook with what they want, not what you want to give. Words of wisdom