Two Things That Terrify All Men

3 Steps to Make a Man Love You

 

GUY FEAR #2: Other men will think I’m weak

You gotta feel for the men of our world. They’re expected to get a respectable paycheck, make us feel secure, (not think about sex so much), beat out the other guys, support the winning team, be tough, overcome all the obstacles in their way, scare away the bad guys, and never show fatigue, fear, or ANYthing except sheer strength and confidence.

It’s a lot to live up to.

It’s impossible to live up to, actually.

And yet that’s the challenge they hear every single day. And if they don’t answer it – actually DOMINATE it – their fear is that they will be publicly shamed, humiliated, despised… Not so much by you or by other women (although they hate the idea of that, too), but by other MEN.

But that doesn’t mean YOU don’t have power. Every man wants a woman who is unreservedly, whole-heartedly ON HIS SIDE. Your support actually adds to his power in the world of other men.

 

What YOU can do to help him

I have a question for you: if he’s fighting away on the field of his life, do you ever even show up at his game? And if you do, can he hear your enthusiastic, genuine support for him?

I’m not saying you have to actually get out your cheerleader skirt and shimmy and shout (although he’ll probably appreciate that), but there IS a way to let him know you’re seeing how hard he works, and you want him to win.

Encourage him to tell you about his daily battles. Lean in and attentively soak up every bit. Ask for details. Don’t multitask while you’re doing this; give him your full focus. Be his raving fan.

And offer him your sincere admiration. Let him know how strong you find him, how amazing his accomplishments and abilities are. If you can make him feel like you believe in him and are on his side no matter what, you are going to ADDICT him to you.

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10 comments

  1. Kind of tired of the assumption that only men have a sex drive. I have the opposite problem. I am the fiery, passionate one. Men fear my sex drive. I am currently in a relationship that has not been consumated. This is a strong matter of contention with me. He was not honest with me about his erectile dysfunction and told me outright that he was equally as passionate and fiery as me. I am not ugly. Men have always found me very attractive. He admits that it is his problem but does not follow through with getting the help that he needs. My male friends advised to ask him what he was looking for in a woman…to tell him wake up (get help with this which I have provided natural supplements which helped but he was reluctant to take) or let me go. I did this the other day. He says it’s not me, it’s him. We have been together for more than a year. I have been more than patient. I am loving, caring, kind. He calls me ‘hottie’ but seldom touches me. In his past, he was both a lover and a fighter. I can no longer stand the cold embers and I will be moving on. To me, as I addressed with him. It feels like he is not physically attracted to me. My body is crying out. It diminishes me body, soul, mind and spirit…I have let him go and we separated for 3 months..he has returned only after I was adamant that he return as my lover…it has been nearly two months and he as a lover has not yet stepped forward. My female friends are like minded and highly sexual. I hate the myth that you are perpetuating that it is men only who are horny and want sex. This is a hot topic for myself and my friends…hot as in..we are always talking about sex and how our men have let us down and not fulfilled us sexually.

    1. Look closer. I have had an on again and off again relationship with a man for the same reasons. PORN is the issue. Sounds so very familiar!!!

      1. Yep, he’s a porn addict. Been there. TWICE. Ruined a marriage and a two year relationship. I am attractive, in good shape, well educated…..can’t compete with it nor do I wish to. MOVE ON.

        1. So sorry to hear that Debbie! And if they will not admit their problem and get help the only thing you can do is move on. And health insurance is no excuse, many policies cover counselling / mental health, and 12 Step meetings are virtually free.
          And most importantly ladies, it has nothing to do with you, NOTHING! Porn addiction is almost invariably found on top of deeper issues like codependency, childhood abuse and/or trama, low self esteem, etc.

    2. thank you for your post for i am having the same problem and ive been with this man for 3 years and he is 56 and i am 47 and quite sexual. i have told my boyfriend to get help and he says he will but never goes thru because he claims its because he has no health insurance. what do i do?

  2. If pornography is the problem, there are multiple 12 Step programs based on the AA program of recovery which can help. And there are numerous books on the subject too, but attending a meeting where you find many others with the same problem as you have is very empowering. There is a lot of guilt and shame surrounding this issue, but if they can summon the courage to admit that they have a problem and walk in the door they can find the help they need to recover. I know of Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and Sex Addicts Anonymous. These rooms are not full of pedophiles and shady characters but rather men and women from all walks of life that struggle with this exact issue.

  3. Sophie,
    I have read & re-read your comment because it really hit home for me. I, too, have been with a man who was not forthcoming about his ED. I’m VERY sexual and finding this out was very upsetting. Actually, in the last year we have been together, I don’t even think he is aware of how much I’ve cried and stressed over this. Don’t get me wrong….I love him dearly! He is kind, funny, warm, attentive and REALLY goes above & beyond to satisfy me but I want the “total package”, so to speak. We’ve talked about it & in the beginning he assured me it was temporary situation…..it is NOT. So, onto Viagra. But it doesn’t work if he smokes or drinks too much. It was the other qualities that made me fall so in love with him…plus his reassurance that this would get better (the ED). And he does not watch porn (I probably watch more than he does). Sex …. The actual act …. IS still important to me, but I will continue to try and work this out with him…..for now anyway! Stay happy, Sophie & I wish you loads of hot animal sex!!

  4. So what if you fall into the category of all of the above, yet you are married and have children? I can’t help but wonder if I am being extremely selfish wanting more and much better sex; especially when I have so much else to be happy and grateful for.
    I have discussed and encouraged my husband to be a little more interested and for him to take the lead occasionally – more often than not, I initiate sex and it’s always the same position, in the dark…etc, etc. I am certainly not satisfied by the outcome.
    I’ve even got to the point of not being bothered now. He clearly doesn’t lust after me, or ever create the feeling that he really really wants me, yet I know, and he tells me often, that he loves me. Is that enough?
    I have no idea where to go from here because, yes, I love him as the father of my children, and as a lovely man I’ve known since I was 19 (am now 31), but I know he won’t ever change, and if he tries to – with even more of my encouragement; which hasn’t worked so far – I don’t think it’ll ever be what I want anyway….?!
    Perhaps I’ve known this for a while, but life has carried us along, as life does.

    Where on earth do I go from here?

  5. I’m reading through these comments and see my life with my ex husband. I too, was very sexual. I was always trying my best to seduce him. He complained that he was under stress, that he was tired, that he had typeII diabetes and had ED. I cried myself to sleep at nights, I longed for his touch, for his caress. I stayed with him for 14 years, because I loved him. I was never once unfaithful to him. He told me he loved me. We became practically roommates. I bought every natural product I could get him to try, I read every article I could find, searching for an answer. I bought toys to use with him in the bedroom. Our sex life was sometimes as little as every six months. Not because I wasn’t trying!
    He was gone on a business trip, and I found out he had a woman he was bringing back with him. He was going to divorce me.
    She ended up being a 19 year old stripper. He tore my life to shreds. Stole our life savings for them to travel with. I then found out over the course of months of how many women he had cheated on me with over the years. Dozens.
    He wanted sex, just not with me. He wanted everyone to think he was upstanding, that’s where I fit in. I gave him the image he wanted in the community. It all broke my heart. He was 60 when he left me, I was 54. I should have left when I realized there was a problem and not let him steal such an important part of my life.
    Please think twice, before staying. If I could go back, I would.