You Will Never Get Him To Commit To You Until…

You Will Never Get Him To Commit To You Until…

by Claire Casey

There’s a fundamental difference between the way many women approach dating, and the way men tend to do it.

And this one thing is responsible for more bruised and broken hearts than nearly anything else in the world of romance…

you will neve get him to commit to you until

A letter from Narita…

Hi, Claire – I’ve been dating this guy now for 3 months, and he has always been clear that he’s dating other girls. On the one hand, I understand that he’s wanting to
“date around.” On the other hand, I’m the kind who dates only one man. I am starting to feel “used,” like he’s not going to ever be serious with me and only me. How can I get this guy to drop the others and focus on me? ~ Narita

Darling Narita, thank you for writing in. There are so many women in your exact situation who want to turn this very common situation to their advantage. It CAN be done, but there are several things you are going to have to do.

Now, before we get rolling, if you’ve been following me for long you know I HATE serial dating, or dating only one man at a time.

Serial daters are at a major disadvantage.

For the sake of the weird little analogy I’m about to make, let’s say most of your relationships last about 6 months.

I hate serial dating because it’s like deciding that you will eat one fruit or vegetable ONLY for six months at a time until you go through the entire produce aisle in the grocery store, THEN you will decide which yummy healthy item you like enough to say “this is my favorite one.”

So, oranges and green beans one year, bananas and celery the next year, apples and eggplant in year three, and so on.

I know this isn’t a perfect analogy, but you gotta admit it’s close. Because in three years, you’ve only managed to try six (out of thousands!) of marvelous fruits and vegetables, and you’re not feeling all that healthy, either.

You are missing out, and needlessly burning through so much of your life without the joy you deserve!!

Oh, and SEX complicates it even more! If you decide to go to bed with your guy (who is dating around and most assuredly sleeping around), well… Ick. That’s just not a comfortable thought for a woman who wants a serious relationship, is it?

Getting naked with him is going to make him happier, and you much less happy.

BUT. I know SO many women who are determined to date this way and that I want to help you figure out a way to make it a teensy bit better. Even though I think you’re nuts to do it. 🙂

If you are a “serial dater” who wants a serious relationship you MUST get good at 3 THINGS:

1. Set solid guidelines for yourself

How long will you stick around in a relationship before you decide he is or is not the guy you want to commit to? Because you can NOT leave this up to him! A man who has an amazing, beautiful, willing woman hanging around him, no strings attached, will happily accept that woman and gather as many more as he possibly can.

So figure out your “strings.” Meaning, decide IN ADVANCE how long you’ll date him before moving on. Decide if you’re going to go to bed with him. And stick with your decisions!

2. Be crystal clear in your communication

Clear communication means you need to let a guy know that you don’t intend to stick around forever. If he likes you, that’s cool, but he needs to act fast or miss out on the Awesome which is you.

You also need to be clear if you decide to reserve your sex life for a serious man. As you move into your relationship, find a good time to tell him – with a dazzling, sexy smile: “Yeah, I don’t share that with a man until I know we are serious about each other.”

That oughta open an interesting dialogue!

Narita, that would be the PERFECT time to let him know you are interested in a man who is willing to be exclusive with you. His response will definitely let you know whether to continue to date him or not.

Which brings me straight to my next point…

3. Be willing to make quick (sometimes painful) decisions about relationships.

Once you KNOW he’s not the one for you, you need to MOVE ON. Not for his sake, but for yours. If you are determined to only date one man at a time, and you know he’s not going to be exclusive with you (in the near future or ever) you gotta get out and get to the next relationship.

This is tough, especially when you love the time he gives you, the nights he holds you tight to his chest and makes you feel all melty in your stomach and shivery on your skin. Just remind yourself: He does this with SEVERAL other women, too.

You are not special to him, and you deserve to be special.

Reconsider Your Dating Style

Being willing to casually and confidently date more than one guy at a time allows you to speed up the process of meeting the right man, it allows you to discover the things you do and don’t like in a relationship, and it sharpens your dating and relationship skills.

And whether you decide to remain a serial dater or start dating more than one man at a time, if you want to be the One Woman for a man, you should have that! And I know you’ll be willing to do the difficult and sometimes painful work of moving yourself toward that goal.

I believe in you! Keep working toward the love of your dreams.

Claire

Do you love Claire Casey’s relationship advice?  She’s been a beacon to SO many women seeking advice.  Click here to learn more about “Capture His Heart, her fantastic program which empowers women in relationships! 

Also, if you want more information about how men and women approach their relationships differently, click here for a ton of amazing insight into what men are looking for in a woman they want to commit to long term.

About Claire:

Claire Casey blogs at Ask Claire Casey and devotes her writing to helping you attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect your heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is. You can take Claire’s Love Number Quiz (it’s free) and make this YOUR year for love! 

Article Source (reprinted with permission): Digital Romance

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9 comments

  1. This column is great–a lot to think about. (And I apologize if the comments below have been addressed previously. This is the column that jumped out at me and prompted me to write.) I am excruciatingly shy. For me, dating is painful, and I know that plenty of woman–who don’t feel that way–still really dislike dating as an experience/activity. I’m not at home hiding behind the curtains, and I’ve had more than my share of therapy. But learning how to do something doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll ever figure out how to be less than miserable. (Exposure therapy is particularly limited for social experiences. Besides, I do well in lots of social situations–it’s just this friggin’ dating.) I could not be more “willing to casually and confidently date.” I just can’t imagine how to do that. It’s really hard for me to make a good first impression, and I haven’t found a self-help book or therapeutic relationship–and both of mine have been stellar!–that will turn me into someone I’m not. It can be easy to tell myself I’m a loser, because it’s such a struggle for me. But I honestly know I deserve a healthy, serious relationship as much as any other woman who wants one. I can have a life on my own if that’s the way it’s gonna be, but this is something I want in my life. And those things that we want, that are goals for us, those are the things we strive to make happen, right? I know I have a lot to offer, because I’ve learned that from the people in my life who’ve had the time–or given me the time–to find out. Thanks for hearing me out. At length!

  2. Would like to learn How I can learn how to find my female soulmate and date smarter from a mans perspective. I like what you teach women. Do you proved advice of classy professional gentlemen?
    Thanks
    Andrew Shymka

  3. I have been dating for almost a decade. I have been intuitively following your advice. I did have a relationship for 3 years that ended 2 years ago.

    I keep finding the same guy and not sure what I’m doing wrong. I find the guy that is more interested in having me in his bedroom than in his life. I wouldn’t call myself a serial dater and limit potential relationships two two months if it didn’t become an exclusive relationship.

    Some I have sex with, most I don’t.

    I chose all kinds of men from all different backgrounds and from different sources.

    …….now what?

  4. So you advocate women sleeping with multiple men all the time for the sake of variety? How does that go down if you wind up pregnant or with a disease? Nice advice. I can’t wait to get my sex on with multiple men. That certainly won’t affect my psyche in any way.

    1. That’s not what Claire says in the article at all. She’s basically saying that dating more than one man at once can more easily open up the door to meeting the man that you feel is right for you, rather than getting together with and breaking up with man after man in order to find who is right for you. She said nothing at all about sleeping with multiple men. In fact, she said “ick” to men who do that.

      Having said that, each woman can use her own discretion in deciding who she wants to sleep with and when. I’m just saying that Claire doesn’t mention it.

  5. I disagree that women need to date several men at a time to find the one. If women want a man who is exclusive with her then she should model that attitude by treating the man she is dating the way she wants to be treated. Also the way you describe serial dater is vastly different to how many people would describe it. To me a serial dater is someone who dates multiple people at a time. That is poor advice. If you are looking for someone to be serious with you then be serious about them and get to know them. If you know that they are sleeping around and dating multiple others then end it and move on with your life. Do not rush into things. Remove sex for the equation fully. Get to know each others likes, dislikes, favourite movies, food. Get to know their personality and character. Take it slow. There is no need to be rushing around dating many men at the one time when you want to find someone serious. That is going against what you are looking for. Talk about hypocritical.

  6. I’m an older guy, hard-working ex-truckie, (now landscape-painter/photographer,) – Most guys Lie about their intentions, to get into a lady’s bedroom, … not on ! – Do Not Ever intentionally break hearts ! – That said, many women date Only “proffessionally employed” guys, in the search for a well-heeled partner, denying good, hard-working Real men the chance for real Love. – This is both heartless & materialistic, – even bordering on “long-term prostitution.” – Proffessional guys are very short in the manly arts of survival outside their air-con office or new car, & sit in their broken-down car awaiting a Real Man to arrive to rescue them, … But, Ladies, …if choosing a Real Outdoors Guy, …at All Costs, AVOID ANY GUY THAT HABITUALLY NEED A CAN OF BOOZE !! – DRINKERS SHOULD BE GIVEN A WIDE BERTH !! – Many morph into Violent Morons when have a few beers !! – (Australian National Disease !!) – And what is sexy about a staggering, foul-mouthed Yobbo? – In Australia, this Negates about half the working-male population ! – Maybe a man from PARIS, who knows how to treat a lady, without can of ‘false courage ?’ – And, this to remember, … A deep, “IN LOVE”, one-to-one, Exclusive, Real Soulmate, Trusting Relationship offers the most Rewarding, sweet, romantic sex imaginable, – if right, it just gets better & better with time, as the trust deepens ! – (This advice from an Old (but healthy) guy who finally had to go overseas to find a Truely Feminine, sweet-natured 100% Female Lady, who cares not what her man does for a living, …only how he treats & loves her !!

  7. Dating has so many rules and norms that I don’t even understand and everyone brings a different set of rules to the table. I am a sleep with only one man kind of woman. Now, even if I want to date casually multiple men, men usually don’t want to wait around till things get serious and committed to have sex. Either they friend zone you after a few dates or they move on to another woman who would give them what they want. The dating scene is frustrating.